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No Love

“No Job. No money. No Love,” was written on a flimsy piece of cardboard being held by a man in a wheelchair on Wilshire. I was almost moved to tears by this glimpse into this man’s reality. No job. I’ve been there. No money. I’ve been there too. But to not have love, I think that would kill me.

I truly believe we are all put here to love at our highest capacity and to receive moments of unconditional love from others strung together by our memories. Love is a birthright in my opinion. You shouldn’t have to do anything to receive love. But that cardboard sign is a tangible reminder that there are people living in the absence of love.

I’m a lover. I love with every fiber of my being because that is how love has been shown to me. My mother taught me how to love. It is her example that I follow. I’m fortunate to have a mom that is willing to cut off her right arm if it meant saving mine. Without her it may have been easier to understand where the man in the wheelchair was coming from.

At first glance, love me not be readily apparent. Look a little harder. We tend to look for other people to validate us by loving us in the way we feel we need to be loved. The greatest love is the love for self. Now that I think about it, that’s the sad truth of what I have just witnessed. The man is now void of self-love. What does it take to love yourself? You don’t need any money for that. To hell with a job, that won’t love you either. Loving yourself unconditionally, in spite of circumstances, disappointments and failures is not without work. My prayer tonight is that the man with the sign finds self-love. If he can muster up the courage to love himself again I know everything else will follow.

Tell someone you love them today. But most importantly, love yourself.

Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at mikki@mikkibey.com.

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How To Seduce Your Woman

Fellas, if you really want to learn how to seduce your woman there are a number of steps you can take to achieve your goal. Now, cold streaks are bound to happen to even the best of us from time to time. Maybe, what you got going on, is such that you have never even gone to that special place with your lady yet. What ever it is, I am here to tell you that if you listen and do the some simple stuff, you, as I like to say, can get laid!

So if you are asking yourself, “How do I seduce my woman?,” here are a few simple steps to abide:

1 – First off, start by touching her playfully and lovingly on a more frequent basis. These can be very innocent touches – to her knee, her shoulder, her hair. Touching another person releases a natural chemical in the skin that brings warm, pleasant feelings to her body. Even casual touches can go a long way toward arousal. So, reach out to her (literally) and let her know that you have warm feelings toward her.

2 – Drop her an e-mail(or text) with a love poem, or few mushy lines of affection, now and then. Sometimes, a casual, surprise e-mail or text will do wonders in terms of awakening her desire. You may find that she is pleasantly surprised at your gesture. Keep your communications short and on a casual level – nothing too heavy or serious, and do not write too much because you will risk boring her.

3 – If someone else flirts with you through the course of your day, let your lady know that it happened. You are not trying to make her mad. Just treat the flirting incident like it was cute and that you were flattered by it, but assure her that you only have eyes for her. Jealousy, when played the right way, can be a turn-on. (But, if you’re still in the early stages of the relationship, you might want to hold on this one)

4 – Treat your woman like a princess. Notice I didn’t say queen. You’ve seen all the Disney animations and cute little chic flics that always show the princess being swept off her feet. One of the easiest ways to do this is to show her that you care by celebrating special days like her birthday. But, even better, celebrate the little things, like when she looks particularly attractive one day or does her hair or makeup a certain way. Point out how good she looks and how much you find her attractive. Even if you she didn’t just get her hair done, let her know how extra beautiful she looked today.

5 – If you are having a hard time getting over that last hurdle – as if she is almost willing to let you seduce her but then she backs off for no apparent reason – you need to start an open dialogue about sex with your lady. Remember, she may have a hang-up or two that you could help her overcome through talking about it. Aside from touch, visual stimulation, and smell, dialogue can be (believe it or not) very arousing. Once you have cleared the air about any hang-ups, she may have about having sex, subtly shift the conversation toward a more sexy direction. Ask her about her turn-ons – what does she like? What does she fantasize about? This step is all about timing, and not coming off as too eager to want to get some.

Seducing a woman is not an exact science. Some of these steps may not work at all on your lady. However, there are some pretty clear-cut things you can do to steer the situation in the right direction. Do not underestimate the power of touch, sight, and the spoken and written word as you work to seduce your girlfriend. Just remember, the path to seduction starts with more closeness in your relationship.

If all else fails, remember these words; “yes honey, you’re right, and I’m sorry.” They may not sound seductive, but they’ll get you laid.

Source: Ezine Articles

 

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Where The Boys Are

I’m a single woman living in one of the most desirable places in the country. Complaining about living in a city that is a magnet for the most beautiful people would just sound a tad ridiculous. But after two years in La La land, I’m still left asking, “Where are the boys at?”

Any one of my friends will tell you that I have more dates in a month than most people have in a year. But 50 first dates are tiring. It begins to feel more like a second job than a relaxing evening enjoying a member of the opposite sex. Chemistry is a must! I’m all for equal opportunity but if the first date leaves me yawning I won’t be subjecting myself to another. So what is a Mid-Western girl to do? I’ve devised a plan that many single ladies may benefit from.
  • Take inventory– Many of us have friends or associates that would make great mates in the long run. Keep and open-mind and go for the one that makes your heart skip a beat.
  • Eyes wide open– Watch who is watching you. Be observant. My grandmother used to say, “Smile, you never know who is looking.” Smiling will make you more approachable and guys will be less intimidated to say something to you.
  • Save the chit-chat– Talking on the phone is counter productive. Most people won’t interrupt someone who is on the phone.
  • Eye contact– You can’t make eye contact with your stunna shades on. Unless you are in direct sunlight go without the shades and make eyes at someone you caught looking.
  • Get a Coach- Sometimes we need a little push. Find a girlfriend that is outgoing and uninhibited to be your wing-woman. A good coach will always set you up for the win.
  • Don’t travel in packs– Rolling 10 deep is going to leave you all single. Three girls is plenty. Grab your besties and meet everyone else there. Most guys are not going to approach a school bus of girls.
  • Create opportunity– More often than not, guys are looking for the opportunity to present itself for them to talk to you. So make it easy for them. If you see a guy you like, casually do things in his general area. Glance at him long enough for him to notice but don’t stare. If he doesn’t say anything after you set it up for him, he’s not interested.
  • Be adventurous– Join an online dating site like Match.com or eHarmony. It just might be the best money you have ever spent.
  • Get Gumption! Forget the rules and go after the one you want. (I have to work on this one) Sitting back on the sidelines while Tanisha is sashaying over to the cute guy with the dimples will get you nowhere. Something as simple as “hello” can be just the opening he needs to seal the deal.
  • Get used to rejection– Dating is contact sport. You have to be willing to get pushed down and get back up again. If one date doesn’t pan out…HIS LOSS!!! Keep it moving! It’s a numbers game that you have to play in order to win.
  • Travel– Airports are a great place to practice. You have a captive audience, what could be better than that? Go sit at the bar and buy yourself a drink. You have a built-in opening line, “So where are you headed?” If all goes well, the next time you will be jet-setting together.
  • Stay out of the club– It’s not that you can’t find love in the club but the chances are slim. The environment is not conducive to conversing.
  • Find Man caves– Go to places you know men will be. Football starts back tonight so I hope you have gathered your girls are hitting the nearest sports bar. Try going to Best Buy on Tuesday (new music comes out every Tuesday.) You’ll be sure to find some good-looking music lovers there.
  • Stay ready– Don’t leave out of the house wearing old sweats with bleach stains. Have a default outfit in mind. Something you can grab quickly that is comfortable, casual but still fly. Same goes for hair and makeup. Slicking your hair back in an intentionally messy bun with your daytime makeup will be perfect for an impromptu meeting with Prince Charming.

 

Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at mikki@mikkibey.com.

 

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BFF Heartbreak

I’ve had three big heartbreaks in my life. Two of which were women. Not in the way you may be thinking. They were both my best friends at different points in my life.

In a lot of ways the hurt you feel when your relationship with your most trusted confidant, best friend and sister is more gut-wrenching and painful than the hurt of being hurt by a man. It’s because on some level, I think we as women can more easily understand a man letting us down than we can one of our own. Think about it. Friendship is sacred. We get to choose or friends unlike being born into a family. It is a very conscious choice to maintain a relationship of any kind. There aren’t words for missing the person that should be the Maid of Honor at your wedding or the Godmother to your children but won’t ever hold those titles in your life. Reconciling that is difficult. For me, it has taken years.
The funny thing is I can’t pin point why either of the girls aren’t in my life anymore. There wasn’t a huge argument or any clues that would make me have an “Aha moment.” We just drifted in different directions. The process of getting over heartbreak with your female bff is a lot like getting over the boyfriend that stomped all over your heart. I actually got over my boyfriend heartbreak in record time in comparison to getting over the failed female relationships.
Ultimately, I have learned that people are transitory. We have to allow people to move freely in and out of our lives with out trying to keep them from leaving. No one will ever be with us forever. Here are some tips to getting over your “Thelma and Louise” heartbreak.
  • Allow yourself to reminisce about the good times but let the memory come and go.
  • Take inventory of the relationship. It’s quite possible there were some signs that things were not as peachy as it seemed.
  • Get it out. Most of the time women just want to know the we have been heard. Write a letter, email or facebook to get your feeling out once and for all. Phone calls or face-to-face meetings are ideal but do what works for you.
  • Accept that you may have to let that friendship go and lean on the other girls that are in your corner for support.
  • Join social group. Joining a club with women of common interests is a great way to have that girlfriend camaraderie that we all crave from time-to-time.
  • Be the best friend you can be. Surely there are other women in your life that look to you for advice, support or just a bit of fun and frolic. Be the best friend you want and chances are you will get what you are putting out.

 

Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at mikki@mikkibey.com.

 

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Married and Loving “Single Ladies”

Let’s face it. Living Single, Sex and the City, and now Single Ladies were all successful shows – why? Because watching the lives of single people as they navigate relationships is interesting and entertaining – especially for those of us off the market.

Single Ladies raised the bar by being an hour-long drama, with a tinge of comedy set in Hotlanta, GA. Though the writing and acting wasn’t award-winning, I anticipated its arrival every week, and am eagerly awaiting its return to see what the outcome will be in the lives of Val, Keshia, and…and…what’s the other girl’s name?

What the show lacked in strong content, it made up for in glamorous costuming, a strong supporting cast, great celebrity cameos and most importantly DRAMA. Who would miss the trials of a woman with klepto tendencies dating a wealthy, elusive jeweler? Or a successful, fashionista entrepreneur finding the man of her dreams, only to learn that he doesn’t want to get married?

However, I think the real reason I enjoy shows that showcase single women doing their thing is that they remind me of the fun I had as a single on my quest to find true love. I loved meeting new people, experiencing new emotions, and learning more about what I wanted and needed in a mate. Through the ups and downs of dating I became very clear in what would and would not work for me in a long-term relationship. I’m reminded of the dates I had with the man that would become my husband, some of the crazy and exciting things we did and the experience of falling in love. Even more, watching the trials and tribulations of finding love in a show like Single Ladies keeps at the forefront the one thing we continue to do that helps maintain the spark in our marriage: making date night a priority.

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Manscaping! Trim the Lawn!

Fellas, the same way you like for your lady to be neatly trimmed please give her the same courtesy. MOW THE LAWN!!!!! Yes, I said it! Get out your clippers (with a guard, we wouldn’t want any mishaps:), a pair of scissors and a comb to tame the beast in your boxers. The same goes for any unsightly hair on other places on your body. Here are a few helpful tips to make  your man-scaping easier.

  • Shaving- If being bald is your preference be sure to use your clippers. Shaving the traditional way can cause ingrown hairs. (Mikki’s quick tip: exfoliate the area after with a loofah to help the hair grow back without razor bumps.)
  • Nair- Yes, the same stuff your lady uses works for you. But if you are bothered by the pink bottle, hop over to CVS. They sell a Nair for Men 🙂
  • Waxing- The thought probably scares you half to death but the result is baby-smooth skin that your woman would love to kiss. Try it out. Many waxing salons offer Manzilians to get all of the unwanted hair…..EVERYWHERE! Come on, you can take a little temporary pain.
  • Use your lady- Many of us are more than willing to help you trim or totally remove hair. Casually bring it up to her and see if she volunteers. You may get a little treat in the process.
With all of that said, if you like your hair everywhere great! But take into consideration how your partner may feel about it. Life is full of compromises. This may be a small one with BIG rewards.

Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at mikki@mikkibey.com.

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Confessions: 7 Reasons Why Women Cheat

You’ve probably heard that men cheat for physical reasons, women for emotional reasons. Sure, there’s some truth to that, but when we asked real women around the country to share why they strayed from their boyfriends, we learned they had a whole host of explanations — from bad kissing to sheer revenge. Read on for the truth about why women have given in to temptation.

Reason #1: There’s no passion
“I had been with John for about three years — he was a really nice guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but there wasn’t a ton of passion. Most everyone we knew had gotten engaged, and though John would have proposed in a second, whenever he brought it up, I’d change the subject. I took a trip to Australia for work and while I was gone, I got together with a coworker to whom I’d always been insanely attracted. I had a fantastic trip, probably because for the first time in a long time I experienced that excitement I’d been missing. I broke up with John soon after I returned home and began dating the guy from the trip. Even though I’m not super-proud of my actions, things ended up for the best: after dating for a few years, the guy from the trip and I got married and we’re incredibly happy together.”
– Giselle, 30, Montvale, NJ

Reason #2: To delay a breakup
“Right before I was going to break up with my ex, Sean, he found out that he had to put his beloved dog to sleep. He was so broken up about it that I didn’t have the heart to end things, so I waited a month or so until he was in better shape. When things seemed to be better and I was ready, he lost his job, so I felt like I was back to square one! By that time I had met someone else that I really wanted to start seeing, so I went ahead and did it. I eventually ended things, never telling Sean about my extracurricular dating. I think I rationalized that I was trying to spare his feelings.”
– Stacy, 30, Lexington, KY

Reason #3: Because absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder
“My boyfriend Greg and I decided to do the long-distance thing after I was accepted to a graduate program 200 miles from where we lived. The first few months were fine, but I soon found myself becoming extremely attracted to my lab partner, Henry. What began as innocent flirting eventually wound up with us getting physical. After the program was over, I returned home to Greg. Being with him was really difficult, but I didn’t break up with him initially because I was still attracted to him, too. I visited Henry a few times and realized that he was really more of a fling, probably done out of boredom, and that Greg was the one for me. I eventually stopped communicating with Henry. I never told Greg about what happened, which occasionally makes me feel guilty, but I chalk my cheating up to being young and silly. He and I are still together, four years after my program ended.”
– Tamara, 33, Portland, OR

Reason #4: To avoid being left out in the cold
“I began dating Eric shortly after I had been dumped by Dave, my boyfriend of two years. I was devastated and Eric was definitely a rebound thing. After Eric and I had dated for five months, Dave came back and wanted to give things another shot. I still really missed him, so I began seeing him, but never ended things with Eric. I think I sort of kept Eric around for insurance purposes, just in case things didn’t end up well with Dave. Dave and I didn’t make it on round two, and after Eric discovered through mutual friends that I had been seeing him again, he ended things with me. I definitely learned my lesson about dating two guys at the same time, not to mention trying to rekindle a relationship that’s just plain over.”
– Jen, 28, Oak Park, IL

Reason #5: To make a break from a bad relationship
“When I was younger, I dated a guy named Ethan who was really critical of me. He constantly made little snide comments about my weight, how stupid I was and how clumsy I was. For whatever odd reason, I was into him, despite the fact that all of my friends and family hated him. One weekend when he was away, I met Will at a party and we completely hit it off. He was the complete opposite of Ethan — kind, sweet and generous, yet completely cool and fun, too. We hung out all weekend and it was like a light bulb went off in my head: This is how mature, relationship-worthy guys act. I kissed Will the night before he left and broke up with Ethan soon after. Will and I dated for three years and now we’re married.”
– Allison, 30, New York, NY

Reason #6: To find that missing piece
“I’m from Florida, so I adore going to the beach and boating, but my former boyfriend, Chris, a total city boy, hated it. We always argued about where we’d take trips, and he always won. About eight months into our relationship, I took a trip to Key West with my friends and we chartered a boat for the day. The captain of the boat was this totally hot, complete ‘beach guy for life’ type, and I spent the whole day flirting with him. We met him out that night and spent time alone together. I never told Chris about it after I got home and I never felt guilty; I think part of me felt like that’s what Chris got for being so stubborn! Chris and I didn’t make it, and after we broke up, I made sure any future boyfriends loved the beach!”
– Lizzie, 32, Chicago, IL

Reason #7: To give him a taste of his own medicine
“My last boyfriend was a total player before we got together. I thought I could change him but I was wrong. I always heard rumors that he was seeing other girls while we were dating, but he always denied it. One night, I got a call from a girl he had been secretly dating, and she detailed their three-month-long relationship to me and told me about another girl she had discovered he was seeing as well. I was so mad that I went out with my friends that night, dressed to kill, and spent time with the most attractive guy; I felt like it was the least he deserved! I loved seeing the look on his face when I told him about what I did and that I knew about the other girls. And then I dumped him!”
– Ashante, 25, College Park, GA

Source:  Chelsea Kaplan via Yahoo

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10 Signs Your Date Isn’t The One

By Bob Strauss (via Yahoo)

Despite what you’ve been taught in school, that small voice in the back of your mind isn’t necessarily your conscience — it may be the last fully functioning piece of your brain, desperately trying to tell you that the guy or gal you’ve been seeing isn’t even close to being your soul mate. As unwelcome as this conclusion is, isn’t it better to come to it by yourself rather than being lectured about it by an expert? No? Well, in that case, read on for a list of signs that it’s time to get back into the trenches and continue that trudge toward true love.

1. Your date is devoted to another. “On a regular basis, he spoke to his mother more than he did to me,” says Bethany from Minneapolis. “He talked to her every day, and then he would compare me to her. She has him on such a short leash that he hasn’t ever made a major decision without her!”

2. Your spending habits don’t match. “If she shops to make herself feel good, and he feels better when money is saved for the future, look out: irritation, frustration, and arguments can result,” says Rita Benasutti, Ph.D., a therapist in Boca Raton, FL. In other words: Get out now, while your credit-card balance is still manageable.

3. Your politics are too different. Although there are some famous liberal/conservative couples out there, “If you have opposite ideologies, it’s usually a deal-breaker,” says John Seeley, author of Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life. So, “if you find yourself saying things like ‘I can’t believe you voted for him’ or ‘I can’t even kiss someone who likes that person,’” it’s time to move on.

4. Your sweetie just doesn’t get your jokes. Take it from me: If that obscure Monty Python reference provokes polite but uncomprehending giggles on a first date, it’ll be met with frosty silence six months down the road. The same formula applies if she thinks Garrison Keillor is hilarious, but you’re more like Homer Simpson banging on the TV set and shouting, “Be more funny!”

5. Your love interest isn’t ready. “I met someone over a year ago, and we really hit it off,” says Michele from Atlanta. “He would call me from work daily, saying that he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again. But the closer we got, the more he started to pull back. Finally, I threw in the towel, realizing that even though we were compatible in many ways, he was not emotionally ready for a relationship.”

6. Your honey wants kids and you don’t (or vice versa). “Often, a person is so happy to find The One that he or she assumes love, marriage and having children go together, but for the other person, being a twosome and being in love is enough,” says Dr. Benasutti. “It’s a good idea to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your potential mate to understand his or her perspective.”

7. Your tastes are too different. “The number-one reason for failed relationships is what I call ‘refinement incompatibility,’” says Zannah Hackett, author of The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking. “Some of us are content to go camping, while others can’t survive outside a Ritz-Carlton hotel room. Some things are negotiable, but refinement incompatibility is not one of them, no matter how magnetically attracted you are to each other.”

8. Your lifestyles clash. If you’re a corporate executive pulling in six figures a year, you’ve probably figured out by now whether you can tolerate a guy or gal who earns an order of magnitude less in terms of salary. No harm, no foul: ending things now is better than leading someone along (or unexpectedly sticking your date with the tab at that expensive restaurant).

9. Your first connection fizzles. “When we first met, the chemistry wasn’t there,” says Lauren from New York, speaking of a relationship she had high hopes for… at first. “Sometimes that attraction develops as you get to know a person and sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s very different from instantly having that sizzle of chemistry when your date glances at you for the very first time.”

10. Your relationship has you on edge. “I believe that The One strengthens you, lifts you up and does not produce anxiety,” says Kathryn Alice, author of Love Will Find You. “When something isn’t right, your intuition keeps trying to let you know by putting nagging doubts in your mind as well as continual anxiety. This is a gut thing, and your gut is rarely wrong.”

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Fantasy Men vs. Real Men

Many sisters could agree that their fantasy man would be something like a man with a body like LL Cool J and a smile like Tyrese. He’d be sexy like Idris Elba and talented like Jamie Foxx. He’d be articulate like Michael Eric Dyson and wise like Harry Belafonte. He’d have swagger, paper, and business smarts like Jay Z. He’d have a voice like Luther and keep you laughing like funny man Chris Rock. He’d be an innovator like Spike Lee. He’d have thug appeal like Allen Iverson and sensitive as Usher.  He’d be smooth like TI and write you a rap song that pledges, “You can have whatever you like”.  He’d be a powerful leader like our newly elected president Barack Obama. Yes, all of this wrapped into one would be a fantasy man. This man would have you smiling from the inside out.  You’d sport him around your family and friends with great pride.  Just thinking about a man likes this brings a smile to my face. Then as I allow the fantasy to disappear and I begin to take a look at reality I realize that I don’t desire a fantasy man.  My wants and needs from a man don’t at all mirror the qualities of my fantasy man.

While many of us drool at the thought of the “fantasy man” described above, I believe that many of us want something a whole lot simpler.  This man that we all want I will refer to as a Real Man. The real man is far more desirable than the fantasy man. The fantasy man is just that…. Fantasy. So let me speak truthfully and hope that these words reach the eyes of a man who has ever asked the question “What do women want?”. Perhaps this can even help that brother who is struggling with understanding what women mean when they say, “ I want a Real Man”.

First off, a real man doesn’t allow his fear of the truth to prevent him from being truthful. He speaks the truth even if he knows that speaking the truth will put him in hot water or make him uncomfortable. He is less concerned with the consequences of being truthful and more concerned with being a man of his word. His word is his bond. He realizes that he is a man and he has no reason to lie to anyone about anything.  He values honesty. Therefore he gives it, expects it, and encourages it.

Second , a real man is wise and continuously seeks knowledge. He frowns upon not being educated.  This doesn’t mean he is a Harvard graduate and it doesn’t mean he has a collection of degrees hanging on his wall. Instead, it means he has little tolerance for ignorance and would never find comfort in being ignorant. When he is unaware he goes to those who are wiser than he and seeks answers to the unknown. He isn’t afraid to say “ I don’t know” and he would never say,  “I know everything”.

A real man is a natural leader. There is something about him that makes his woman want to follow his lead.  He makes his own decisions and follows behind no one. His ability to lead allows him to be the head of his household without a saying a word. He doesn’t have to say, “I’m the man of this house”. His woman knows that he is the head of the household without ever hearing him speak. She humbly surrenders to his lead when he is a real man of leadership.

A real man takes care of his babies. He will help raise them. He teaches them right from wrong and showers them with love. His babies look at him and smile. They crave his attention and affection. They call him Daddy and he is the most important man in their lives. His son will want to be like him. His daughter will want to fall in love with a man like him.  He protects his babies at all costs. He tells his children that he loves them. A real man never disrespects his children’s mother even if he has little respect for her.

A real man is sexy even with his clothes on. A woman’s attraction to him goes far beyond his physical appearance.  He doesn’t work at being “sexy”. His sexiness is just natural.  He can arouse a woman without ever touching her. His masculinity is what arouses his woman. His ability to take charge is what turns women on.  Being a man of great strength, integrity, and wisdom is what makes him sexy as hell. His skills in the bedroom are just the icing on the cake (Holla!!!!!).

Finally,  a real man is a man who prays and isn’t afraid to say that he prays. He believes in a higher a power. On his good days and his bad days he knows who reigns above all. This real man will introduce or reintroduce his woman to God. He will remind her where blessings come from. He may or may not go to church but he will definitely acknowledge his Creator.

So to all of my brothers out there who are in question about what women want, it’s quite simple. We want Real Men (not to be mistaken with men who say “I keep it real”.) Fantasy men are good if your eyes are closed and you’re fantasizing. However, in the real world, real women want real men who can really hold them down.

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Monogamy, a No Go?

Where does the hunger and yearning for monogamy come from? We have this social construction of monogamy that has been developing throughout the years thanks to movies, music, and books. That is, we as a society have developed an understanding of what is/isn’t and what should/shouldn’t be in relationships.

Why do we want monogamy? Why do we want to be committed to just one person? When we talk about marriage we’re talking about being with one person for the rest of your life. God forbid you marry in your twenties – with the average life expectancy being 78, that’s being committed to one person for 50 years! I have a hard enough time deciding on what cell phone I should purchase with a new two-year contract. During those two years I’ve committed to one phone, that is until I find one that’s better or seems better and eventually change before those two years are up. Maybe in life we settle because choosing a mate isn’t as easy as choosing a cell phone or two years, or maybe we just get tired of changing.

When we were little we were always taught to learn to share. Why can’t we learn to share in relationships? Have we learned to share so much that in a relationship with a significant other we don’t want to share?

I don’t have the answers nor do I have a particular stance on any of these questions. If you’re married, engaged, dating, single or widowed ask yourself: can you find the joy you have with your significant other with them and another?

I’m 19, I’m trying to find myself and my understanding in this dating world by asking this questions that challenge the norm. I want people to read this and think “Why did I get married? Why am I in this relationship? Why do I want a relationship?” Be honest with yourself and be honest in your comments. After all, Black Is is a comfortable place to learn, teach, and grow.