I’ve had three big heartbreaks in my life. Two of which were women. Not in the way you may be thinking. They were both my best friends at different points in my life.
In a lot of ways the hurt you feel when your relationship with your most trusted confidant, best friend and sister is more gut-wrenching and painful than the hurt of being hurt by a man. It’s because on some level, I think we as women can more easily understand a man letting us down than we can one of our own. Think about it. Friendship is sacred. We get to choose or friends unlike being born into a family. It is a very conscious choice to maintain a relationship of any kind. There aren’t words for missing the person that should be the Maid of Honor at your wedding or the Godmother to your children but won’t ever hold those titles in your life. Reconciling that is difficult. For me, it has taken years.
The funny thing is I can’t pin point why either of the girls aren’t in my life anymore. There wasn’t a huge argument or any clues that would make me have an “Aha moment.” We just drifted in different directions. The process of getting over heartbreak with your female bff is a lot like getting over the boyfriend that stomped all over your heart. I actually got over my boyfriend heartbreak in record time in comparison to getting over the failed female relationships.
Ultimately, I have learned that people are transitory. We have to allow people to move freely in and out of our lives with out trying to keep them from leaving. No one will ever be with us forever. Here are some tips to getting over your “Thelma and Louise” heartbreak.
- Allow yourself to reminisce about the good times but let the memory come and go.
- Take inventory of the relationship. It’s quite possible there were some signs that things were not as peachy as it seemed.
- Get it out. Most of the time women just want to know the we have been heard. Write a letter, email or facebook to get your feeling out once and for all. Phone calls or face-to-face meetings are ideal but do what works for you.
- Accept that you may have to let that friendship go and lean on the other girls that are in your corner for support.
- Join social group. Joining a club with women of common interests is a great way to have that girlfriend camaraderie that we all crave from time-to-time.
- Be the best friend you can be. Surely there are other women in your life that look to you for advice, support or just a bit of fun and frolic. Be the best friend you want and chances are you will get what you are putting out.
Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at mikki@mikkibey.com.
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