self-esteem – Black Is

May 16, 2012May 19, 2012

The Digital Age of Narcissm

It has officially been proven: The more friends you have on Facebook the more you are considered to be a narcissist and perhaps even a narcissist that is “socially disruptive”. A recent poll was conducted studying the Facebook habits of nearly 300 students at Western Illinois University. Students who scored higher on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook, tagged themselves more often and updated their newsfeeds more regularly.

How many of your Facebook friends fit this profile? I can name a few. Just today one of my Facebook friends updated her status: “I am just too cute today! Geez lol.” She then posts a picture of herself in her cheer uniform as her school is trying to recruit for next year’s squad. Ok so she had a reason to wear her uniform today for school spirit purposes. But to post a picture and then tell the world how cute you look, get over yourself right? She could have just updated her status telling her friends to come to the information booth so to find out about upcoming cheer tryouts without being extra about it.

But that wasn’t her case just like it is not the case for many other people on Facebook. Why? It is because we are living in a digital age of narcissism. Facebook is becoming the outlet of social narcissism. Wait, let me rephrase that: Facebook is the outlet of social narcissism! I believe we are living in a “look at me now” era. Everyone wants to be a legend in his or her own mind. Facebook gives them the tool to do it in your face. As if society wasn’t already full of phonies, Facebook adds a new dimensions in fake. If people realized the truth that most people could care less about their daily activities, Facebook would see a dramatic drop off in usage.

Who has those types of Facebook friends who post damn near daily photos of themselves? I have a few friends who do and one of them has an album entirely dedicated for just that reason with it titled: This is why you love me. Seriously, get over yourself! Once upon a time Facebook was only meant for the college community. Now look at it, Facebook is like the refrigerator where you know the same thing is there, but you still check it every 15 minutes. I mean come on, more students are on Facebook zoning out instead of paying attention in class. Granted, Facebook is still used for promoting special events, businesses, concerts, rallies, parties and causes. However, it looks to have gone from reuniting with old friends, networking with new friends and posting occasional pictures that capture memories into a superficial mirror on the wall with the hope of hearing that they are the fairest of them all.

“If Facebook is to be a place where people go to repair their damaged ego and seek social support, it is vitally important to discover the potentially negative communication one might find on Facebook and the kinds of people likely to engage in them. Ideally, people will engage in pro-social Facebooking rather than anti-social me-booking,” Christopher Carpenter said.

Carpenter, who ran the study, defined narcissism as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration and an exaggerated sense of self-importance.” He also notes that social networking allows the user a great deal of control over how he or she is presented to and perceived by peers and other users. Do any of your friends fit these criteria?

One of my Facebook friends tries so hard to sound like Dr. Phil in her status updates. She posted three status updates in the span of twelve hours. “Hanging onto someone who isn’t adding value to your life isn’t loyalty, it’s stupidity.” “Anything worth having in life takes work. The good things never come easy; success, love etc.” Followed up with “Your body is what makes you sexy. Your smile is what makes you pretty. But your personality is what makes you beautiful” I want to ask her what my lucky lotto numbers are for the week because I feel like I’m reading a fortune cookie every time I read her status updates. Get off the soapbox please!

I realize I didn’t mention any of the male friends I have on my Facebook. This is mainly because Facebook addiction has been attributed mostly to women and younger users thus according to the research conducted by Cecilie Schou Andreassen. Facebook needs to go back to what it was originally intended for. It wasn’t intended for you to post a daily picture of yourself in your outfit for the day.

At least one of my Facebook friends had something engaging to say “An interesting topic was brought up just now… can a man call himself a feminist, and accept/expect he is going to receive criticism and his masculinity is going to be questioned??? Does gender automatically define who can be a feminist?”

Finally, something I can comment on!

July 18, 2011July 18, 2011

Dark and Damaged

There is an ominous phenomenon growing rapidly within black culture today. To be honest, it is no phenomenon, and while it is still growing rapidly, it is already a problem that seems almost too huge to tackle. Allow me to explain.

Here’s a picture of Beyonce from back in the days of Destiny’s Child:

Here Beyonce and her group mates look like Nubian queens, goddesses in matching leather outfits. Beyonce’s hair appears to be a natural brown, the same as her eyebrows. Her hair and skin are nearly the same color, both of which brown. To put it simply, she looks black. That should make complete sense…because she is.

Now let’s take a look at Beyonce on her newest album, entitled “4.”

Let’s play this like one of those megatouch games you see at bars, where you have to point out the differences. For one, the skin tight leather dress has been replaced by a cleavage-friendly feathered throw. That’s not what we’re looking for however. There are two other differences that I find disturbing: her new skin and her hair. Beyonce looks like a white pop star, plain and simple. This lightening of her skin seems intentional, it being so prominent on this album cover. Her hair and skin are nearly the same color, both of which are not brown. Beyonce’s blonde hair is nothing new, but on this new cover, draped over her pale shoulders, it looks exceptionally disconcerting.

Ok, you get it now. Beyonce was once black, and now appears to be white. So what’s the problem? Well, the problem is that Beyonce is one of the most popular, respected, and admired black females of our generation. Beyonce, and other famous black female pop stars of her caliber, are mass media representations of black beauty. Thousands of young black girls look up to her, wishing one day they could be as talented, as glamorous, as beautiful as her. So it both saddens and infuriates me that women like Beyonce, who are well aware of their roles in the black community, still take steps in the direction of putting whiteness on a pedestal and kicking blackness in the sand.

As I said before, this is no not truly a phenomenon. There is nothing new about this sort of appreciation of whiteness and depreciation of blackness. Back in 1929, a light-skinned Harlem Renaissance author named Nella Larsen wrote a short novel entitled Passing. The novel follows Irene, a black woman from Harlem who reunites with Clare, an old childhood friend. Many years have passed since the two last saw each other, and upon reuniting it is revealed that Clare, who is half white, is “passing” as a white woman. She hides her blackness so well that she is able to marry a rich, racist white man. The perception of beauty in conjunction with skin color is a major theme throughout the novel, proving that even back in the late 1920’s black women were struggling with this issue. Now, over 80 years later the issue has not been resolved.

In 2009 Chris Rock began scratching the surface of the “white is beautiful” topic with Good Hair, an excellent documentary about what black women go through just to have perfect locks. Nearly all of the women interviewed for the documentary made the same statement: That the ultimate goal in treating and styling black hair is to make it look as straight and luscious as white hair. Chris Rock brings light to the topic through his satire, but the truth revealed by Good Hair is nothing funny. This October a new documentary will once again reopen the white beauty topic for discussion. Dark Girls: The Story of Color, Gender, and Race, is a revealing exposition on the perceptions of skin color, and how those perceptions affect women of dark complexion. According to the official website, Dark Girls “pulls back our country’s curtain to reveal that the deep seated biases and hatreds of racism – within and outside of the Black American culture – remain bitterly entrenched.” The trailer for the film, which you can watch for yourself below, is gut-wrenching. There’s a moment where a black child is asked questions about beauty and must point at cartoons with varying complexions to answer. When asked which girl is prettiest she chooses the lightest of the identical cartoons; when asked who is ugliest she chooses the darkest. When asked who’s the smartest she again chooses the cartoon that looks white, but when asked who is dumbest her finger slides directly to the darkest girl, without hesitation. Already visible at such a young age, these are the perceptions black women spend their lives fighting. It surely doesn’t help that Beyonce looks like Ke$ha and Rihanna’s hair looks completely unnatural. For more information on Dark Girls, visit the official website, which is linked below.

http://officialdarkgirlsmovie.com/about/

Ben Badio is a jack-of-all-trades. A recent graduate from the University of Central Florida, Ben has a healthy obsession with technology, a grand knowledge of music, and a passion for writing. You can read more about him here and contact him at benbadio@gmail.com.

July 8, 2011May 6, 2018

15 Minute Break! Nip & Tuck: A White Thing or Right Thing?

Listen in to a round table discussion as KC and the family discuss the real deal with platonic relationships and keeping boundaries clear. Podcast guests include Chris Lehman, Mr. & Mrs. CEO, DJ A-ski, Toria Williams, Nabil Stevens, Inglewood Trizz, Darius Gray, and Obi Obijiaku.

DISCLAIMER: This podcast runs long – too good of a conversation to cut short. Enjoy!

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October 21, 2010October 21, 2010

Whip That Hair!!!

The issue of hair is one that is specific to the Black community and more importantly, to women in our community. Most recently, Sesame Street introduced a new character – a little Black girl singing about how much she loves her hair. The segment showcased the girl’s hair in a variety of styles from an afro, to braids, to a pressed/permed straight style. You can catch a glimpse of the video below:

Also, check out the Sesame Street/Willow Smith mash-up:

With all this love going out to Black hair, I think I’ll rock my fro extra large this weekend. Straight or kinky, sisters show it off!