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Black Men Revealed: The Problem or the Solution?

This morning I caught an episode of “Black Men Revealed” on TV One. The segment topic was cheating. Representing black men were an old cheater, a young “pretty boy”, a “reformed” cheater, and a man who is in a committed relationship. They initially began to reminisce about times they were caught cheating and how their partners reacted. The pretty boy bragged about how he had sex with the mother of one of his “Starting 5” ON Mother’s Day. He called it her “present”. Then he was heralded “the man” when he confessed his starter was so angry with him he felt obliged to put her twin sister in the game.

The men also discussed ways to avoid confrontation when their woman suspects them of cheating. One man revealed, quite proudly, that whenever his girl suspected something he turned it right back on her and accused her of cheating. He said she became so obsessed with proving her innocence she forgot all about his dirt.

I could go an and on about the ridiculous inferences made during the show, but it ended with the revelation that most men on the panel had been cheated on at one time or another. It was then I realized these men are no different than all the women who have been cheated on and are jaded because of it. These harsh realities have left men and women furious with one another, questioning the merit of monogamy and naturally mistrusting of others.

Optimistically speaking, the producers of the show had good intentions when providing a forum to discuss issues related to black males. Unfortunately, the show serves as a vehicle to reinforce stereotypes about black men, such as them being pimps, cheaters, users and abusers. The show leaves much to be desired. Rarely if at all was there mention of these men or women being WRONG when they cheated. Rarely if at all did they mention how their families were affected. Not once did one man say to another “we gotta do better”. Not once did they mention the rising number of HIV/AIDS infections and other STD’s. The show glorified cheating and portrayed men on the hunt as a part of natural selection. ANIMALS hunt multiple prey. Doesn’t man possess the ability to reason and control instincts?

Is “Black Men Revealed” the problem or the solution?

Haaaaay girl signing off.

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Can Success Leave You Lonely? The Black Male Perspective

Can success leave you lonely?  That depends on what type of companionship you seek as a person.  From the male point of view, I don’t think a successful man will ever be too lonely due to the fact that being successful is a quality that attracts women.  It may not be the long-term relationship type of women, but there will be someone around.  Whether they are on that man’s level of success is not a big concern to most; as men we feel that we should be the breadwinner in most instances.  In my opinion, it’s not the accomplishments of men and women that separate us, but the ills of society that tend to brainwash us into believing that you need someone of equal status as your counterpart. There has never been an example of a man who is very successful not  reaching down and dealing with someone not on their  “level”. Now if the situation were reversed, there would be plenty of backlash for a successful woman taking on the burden of a man.

So what can be done from this point? I feel like everyone needs to do away with stereotypes, prejudice, and judge everyone one on a case-by-case basis.  Statistics show that black women make up 71% of all black graduates.  This statement is misleading since it implies that all black female graduates end up being successful in their careers.  This is also misleading because success can be attained without a college education.  The real issue is compatibility: people fail to sync themselves with someone who is their complement and not their competition.

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Can Success Leave You Lonely?

Lorraine Hansberry said “The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely.” At the height of our success Hansberry’s statement seems to ring more true than ever, even though she was lesbian. A 2010 publication reports sistas make up 71 percent of black graduate students. Blogs, articles and studies highlight the phenomena. Sistas, as we achieve more success are we less likely to marry?

Before we can begin to answer the ultimate question, we have to take a few steps back to grasp the big picture. Is the data even correct? If so, what can be done to salvage black love?

Research can be biased so before I would even begin to examine the research methods and results, it would suffice to investigate who conducted such studies and what they were trying to prove. If the research is correct, who benefits and who suffers from such findings? Data can be skewed to suggest whatever it is the researchers intend for it to suggest. If you look at what such research does to the psyche, it may validate how many black women feel about being successful and lonely, as well as how they feel about their male counterparts. Such findings may leave black women feeling as if they should give up hope of finding a successful black mate, therefore hindering black progress.

Being somewhat of a conspiracy theorist, I believe it benefits certain groups if black women give up on black love – especially successful black women. If the data is correct, who is responsible for the demise of black families? Are black men to blame for their lack of success? Are black women to blame for becoming too successful? Or is the state of our unions the result of living in an oppressive society? I don’t believe any sole entity is responsible but rather a combination of many entities. To suggest men are to blame, or women, or society is what hinders our progress. The real issue is: what can be done from this point forward to improve the current state of of our relationships? After all, black is black love.

A friend of mine had a very interesting theory. He said sistas don’t give brothas enough time to get their business straight before they kick ’em to the curb. It seems to me he may be blaming women for his shortfalls. He’s in his early forties, barely has a job,  just got his car impounded and is in the middle of a divorce. Could it be that as a woman gains knowledge and raises her expectations, the less likely she is to settle for less?