Lorraine Hansberry said “The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely.” At the height of our success Hansberry’s statement seems to ring more true than ever, even though she was lesbian. A 2010 publication reports sistas make up 71 percent of black graduate students. Blogs, articles and studies highlight the phenomena. Sistas, as we achieve more success are we less likely to marry?
Before we can begin to answer the ultimate question, we have to take a few steps back to grasp the big picture. Is the data even correct? If so, what can be done to salvage black love?
Research can be biased so before I would even begin to examine the research methods and results, it would suffice to investigate who conducted such studies and what they were trying to prove. If the research is correct, who benefits and who suffers from such findings? Data can be skewed to suggest whatever it is the researchers intend for it to suggest. If you look at what such research does to the psyche, it may validate how many black women feel about being successful and lonely, as well as how they feel about their male counterparts. Such findings may leave black women feeling as if they should give up hope of finding a successful black mate, therefore hindering black progress.
Being somewhat of a conspiracy theorist, I believe it benefits certain groups if black women give up on black love – especially successful black women. If the data is correct, who is responsible for the demise of black families? Are black men to blame for their lack of success? Are black women to blame for becoming too successful? Or is the state of our unions the result of living in an oppressive society? I don’t believe any sole entity is responsible but rather a combination of many entities. To suggest men are to blame, or women, or society is what hinders our progress. The real issue is: what can be done from this point forward to improve the current state of of our relationships? After all, black is black love.
A friend of mine had a very interesting theory. He said sistas don’t give brothas enough time to get their business straight before they kick ’em to the curb. It seems to me he may be blaming women for his shortfalls. He’s in his early forties, barely has a job, just got his car impounded and is in the middle of a divorce. Could it be that as a woman gains knowledge and raises her expectations, the less likely she is to settle for less?
Could it be the more successful people are, the greater their expectations of others becomes? It’s not entirely fair to impose one’s definition of success on another (i.e. corporate success vs. running a succesful auto body shop). And I think people have a tendency to adjust their expectations as they progress – so the brother who was on your level last year, isn’t this year cause now you make six figures and he’s still making high fives. The brother you mentioned – well any woman getting involved with him is taking an emotional risk if she is aware of all of that baggage in the first place.