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BE A FATHER…

“Be a father if not why bother son, A boy can make ’em but a man can raise one.”

Wise words by a young rapper at the time, Ed OG (and Da Bulldogs). I wish more men actually listened to the lyrics, while they were boomin in their jeeps.

Today, in the United States, about 40% of babies are born to unmarried women.  Obviously some of those children have fathers in the picture; dedicated, loyal, devoted fathers for whom the lack of a marriage certificate makes no difference in their desire and ability to be enthusiastic parents. (Similarly, there are married fathers who are disinterested and uninvolved parents despite their married status).  But the truth of the matter is that kids need dads.  All the time, not just on Father’s Day.

I, for one, grew up without my father in the house (or in the state for that matter), and as I get older I sometimes wonder if having him around would have made a difference for the better. I love my dad, and have no ill will towards him, and I know he loves me, but we honestly have no real relationship. It’s kinda the “see ya when I see ya” that you may have with a certain friend.  It’s all love when we get together, but other than that he’s on the back burner of my thoughts. Barack Obama didn’t have his father and he is now our President. My best friend growing up had both his parents in the house, and he got into gangs and was in and out of prison. But there are some statistics to support having a “good” father figure around.

Having an active, committed, loving father makes growing up a lot easier: It means a child is less likely to drop out of school, less likely to be poor, less likely to spend time in jail, less likely to commit suicide, and less likely to be sexually active at a young age.  Kids who are close to their dads feel loved and cared for.  They have better self-esteem and a better sense of emotional (and physical) security.  Fathers provide guidance and discipline, are an important male role model, and another caring adult to share the responsibility of parenting.  Growing up with a father makes an enormous difference in the life of a child, and in the life of man.

So take the time to be a dad.  There’s a lot more to it than getting someone pregnant or buying diapers now and then.  And if you aren’t ready to be a dad, which is perfectly okay and understandable – then be a man and use a condom. BIG shout out to all the dads holding it down, and being around, and staying involved in your child’s present as well as future.

Happy Father’s Day.

-Mr.CEO (Dad)

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Black Is… What I Say it Is.

Black is a part of my culture. I am multiracial; both my parents are mixed with black. Mom is black, white and hispanic. Dad is black and white. According to the “One-drop Rule” embedded in our psyche during times of slavery, I am black. These genetics make up my race, and my race is one aspect of my culture. The fact that I have family reunions, enjoy fried chicken and drive with my music bumpin’ has less to do with the color of my skin than it does my cultural experiences. My culture is also defined by my age, family, spirituality, geography, gender and economic status.

Certain people assume that if you are black then you look, think and behave like all other people that look like you. Due to a lack of education, people of all races begin to believe these stereotypes and perpetuate them. There’s an old saying that goes “if you stand for nothing you’ll fall for anything.” People who are not grounded in culture are more likely to buy into the medias depiction of what Black Is.

Black Is a site dedicated to the black experience. We are all black and our perspectives are unique to our experiences. We are from different generations, religions, genders and family backgrounds yet we also have similarities. No sole entity can define what Black Is; you decide what black is to you. Sources like BET, Bossip and other national publications do nothing more than brainwash people into believing what black is to them. My hope is to replace the medias depiction of what Black Is by showcasing the black experience is so much more than poppin’ bottles and booty. Black Is a devoted wife and mother. Black Is a struggling college student. Black Is a loving father. Black Is an aspiring musician. Black Is what I say it is.

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Closed Doors

As humans, why are we quick to find flaws in any and everything that crosses our paths good or bad? Even worse, why do we wait to realize what we had was good, when it’s already gone? Why is it so hard for us to just enjoy what we have in front of us instead we find ways to make ourselves miserable then complain about it? We need to step back and look at everything in a different lens. Instead of wishes for the love we see on TV, be happy for what you have now because tomorrow isn’t promised. Helen Keller once said “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” And in the end if you are absolutely convinced that whatever you had is better than what you can ever have go for it, just make sure you checked the other door first.

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Black Is… Me

I recently finished college and I’m told this is where my life begins. I have the world at my fingertips and can do whatever I put my mind to… I agree with this cliché statement to a degree but as a young Black woman in America, I know better. My “life” began a long time ago– I would say at the age of three. I became a big sister and my mother became a single parent. I had to grow up very quickly. My younger brother became my responsibility when our mom wasn’t at home. I didn’t complain. I understood my new role, and took it on proudly. My story is typical of many African Americans who grew up in single parent homes. I didn’t have time to dream big because I had to act quickly. When our mother was not home, I had to make parental decisions for my brother and I. I wouldn’t put that type of responsibility on any child but I can say that I am a better person for my experiences. Things never came easy for us but our mother never let us see her worry. To say that my life begins now is to throw away all the valuable life lessons of my childhood  and adolescence. These lessons got me where I am today so I refuse to do that. These experiences have helped me to deal with very difficult situations easily. I’ve learned how to “turn those lemons into lemonade” as the popular saying goes. As a people, we have been doing this since we involuntarily set foot on this land.

My story is one of many that make up the Black experience. Each of us handles what life deals us differently. What binds us is our history and culture. Our history is often sugarcoated and hidden. Our culture is often duplicated and seldom acknowledged. We continue to challenge stereotypes and even fall victim to them—but I digress. Black Is, the magazine, is a celebration of our experiences. It is a representation of the complexities that make up our daily lives. My hope is to bring the good, the bad and the ugly while posing questions to make you think and offering correctives to encourage action. What it means to be Black in America pertains to the individual. Black Is overcoming adversity and doubt in the face of struggle. Black Is determination and pride. Black Is beautiful. Black Is me.

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Let’s Keep the “Thug” Ball Rollin’ – Part II

Slim Thug recently participated in an interview with Vibe where he disclosed a bias he has towards black women. In this interview he states: “My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the **** that I say, so we make it. She just takes care of me and I like that.” However despite this controversial comment he continues and manages to pick up the dirty laundry he threw on the floor by saying, “White women treat they man like a king and Black women feel like they ain’t gotta do that *****. Black women need to stand by their man more. Don’t always put the pressure of if I’m ******ing with you, you gotta buy me this and that. Black men are the ones that mother****ers need [but] I think a lot of them need to step it up too. A Black man who gets a little bread will go make it rain in the club and be broke the next day or instead of him going to invest in a business he gonna go buy new jewelry or a new car and still live in the hood. Black peoples’ mentality is real ****ed up in general [and] it’s affecting everything.”

On my first read, I couldn’t make out half of the argument because every other word was a curse word. He’s right: the world does NEED more black men however; we NEED black men with an extended vocabulary and proficient writing skills – in other words EDUCATED.

I am not here to degrade any ethnicity because that would be counterproductive; however I will say that certain people are born into wealth and therefore a job is not a requirement. Things mean a lot more to you once you have worked hard to get it and some people do not have to work at all to get what they are given in life. Also, black men and women need to start investing their money to gain wealth.  Everyone wants to be rich, however wealth is where the money really is.

It’s shocking and a shame that black men think like this and to be honest, I am grateful that Slim Thug did have the balls to call it like it WAS. We need to change this negative idea society has of black women being loud, nosy, rude, aggressive and, for lack of a better word, “ghetto.” However the image of black men needs to change too. We need to change the gang banging, baby daddy, no job having, high school dropout image. Black women are slowly progressing to change this image and we need a strong black man beside us. Why would we bend over backwards for someone who won’t make the effort to bend? If you think looking for a black man with an education and a stable job, who can afford to not support but spoil their girlfriend or wife is too much, then you have some soul searching to do. If you tend to attract gold diggers then you need to be extra careful about the company you keep and the decisions you make.

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Let’s Keep the “Thug” Ball Rollin’

Slim Thugs’ profound insight regarding what’s “wrong” with sistas initiated a conversation worth continuing. Basically sistas are too opinionated, independent , and self-righteous-shocker! Any woman of black descent who never heard that must not be from America. I’m certain sistas need to assume responsibility for their part, however they are not the problem in its entirety. So why are they often portrayed to have expectations that are too high as opposed to brothas having expectations that are too low?

If brothas choose women from other races because they’re more submissive, are sistas to blame for checking out on black love because they won’t play the submissive role? Or do brothas check out when they choose a submissive woman who aspires to do nothing more than cook, clean, and suck him raw? If brothas were really worried about preserving black love, wouldn’t they seek those successful and lonely sistas from the previous blog?  If black really is black love… no one knows a brothas struggle like a sista. Where there are commonalities there are souls intertwined. Sistas can cook, clean, care for children, carry on an intellectual conversation AND contribute financially. So what’s the problem?

Perhaps brothas expectations for themselves are so low they are incapable of sustaining a relationship with a powerful, ambitious, well-rounded renaissance sista of the 21st century. Maybe because they know if their ducks aren’t in a row an independent sista may walk away before a woman who is entirely dependent on her husband. So brothas seem to choose women who are more docile, dependent and low-maintenance who require nothing more than for you to change your Myspace status to “In a Relationship” and get her some followers on Twitter.

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Ladies and Gents: How True Is This?

My cousin posted this status update on Facebook:

Women: One of the biggest mistakes a lot of you make early on in a relationship is laying out in full detail all the things you love a man to do for you. Instead of telling him about everything you like, tell him what you DON’T like, and then see how he responds; let him research/dig and figure out how to get to your sweet spot. Virtually any man can follow a road map, but only a dedicated one will find his own way.

Do you all agree? Disagree?

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Black Was But Now Is…

Black and white aren’t true colors. It seems since the beginning of time these two shades of people have been fighting to be true colors. The word “black” has been slandered. This word has been pulled by its ear and tossed into piles of negativity and a trail was left on its way out. Now we are left to clean up the footsteps in hopes to not erase the past, but show everyone where we came from, who we were, and how we’ve changed with no intentions of going back. We need to stand up and reform the agreement embedded in the social construction of the word “black”. Black is variation. Black is power. Black is change. Black is positive. Black is fun. Black is educated. Black is motivated. Black is inspired. Black is you. Black is me.