Keep It On the DL: Bisexuality a Deal Breaker?

By now, most of you have formed an opinion on whether or not you think Bishop Eddie Long is guilty or not. I am not touching that with a 10 ft pole! However, I want to look at some of the other elements in this case. First, the idolatry of Bishops/Pastors in the black church. Secondly, married or otherwise involved men cheating on the women in their lives with other men.

I am concerned that many of the members of the Bishop’s congregation refuse to even acknowledge that the allegations could be true. CNN’s Don Lemon recently interview three young members and all of them spoke of the Bishop as though he is incapable of committing such acts. The pedestal many of our church leaders are placed upon is unrealistic and borderline (if not crossing the line of ) idolatry. This is not just specific to New Birth. I have seen this in several other cities where mega-churches are prevalent. Men of the cloth are still men. Being a pastor is does not equal infallibility.

If I have one rule when it comes to relationships it’s DO NOT EMBARRASS ME in PUBLIC! Nothing is worse than being publicly shamed by the man that is supposed to love and cherish you. Yet, so many women have to endure this when their prominent husbands cheat and have to face the court of the public. Who can forget the wife of the former Governor of New Jersey who stood by as her husband announced that he was resigning from his office because he was caught having an affair with a man. My heart broke for her as it breaks now for the First Lady of New Birth even if the allegations are not true.

The CDC just announced last week that 1 in 5 bisexual and gay men in the U.S. has HIV!  My question is how many of those men are in relationships with women that are not aware of their alternative lifestyle? There are a host of things wrong with this picture.  On one hand, if a man is involved with a woman and tells her that he also has sex with men that will be an automatic deal-breaker for a lot of women. Risking losing the woman because of the truth is far better than losing that woman after she has been infected with HIV. Ladies, you have to have the conversation. Ask the question none of us want to know the answer to. You have a 50/50 chance of getting the truth which is better than not asking at all.

Once you know the truth, you will have to decide what is the best course of action for you. Hypothetically, if you are involved with who you think is the man of your dreams and he says to you months into your relationship that he has (in the past) engaged in sexual activity with a man, is it curtains? Think before you answer. Stay with me here. If monogamy is between two people not three what does it matter if one of the people is bisexual if they are both committed to each other? Giving the statistic stated above it would be risky but anytime you have unprotected sex with anyone you are risking your health.

According to the CDC, black males are the least likely of all men to know if they are infected with HIV. WRAP IT UP! Ladies, we have to be accountable for ourselves. Make him wear a condom or walk right out of the door. No love is worth dying for.I think it all comes down to having open communication with your mate. No matter what he says, do not use anything he tells you against him. Use the information to make informed decisions. And Fellas, just keep it real with the ladies in your lives. Be who you are. Someone will love your authenticity.


Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at

Manscaping! Trim the Lawn!

Fellas, the same way you like for your lady to be neatly trimmed please give her the same courtesy. MOW THE LAWN!!!!! Yes, I said it! Get out your clippers (with a guard, we wouldn’t want any mishaps:), a pair of scissors and a comb to tame the beast in your boxers. The same goes for any unsightly hair on other places on your body. Here are a few helpful tips to make  your man-scaping easier.

  • Shaving- If being bald is your preference be sure to use your clippers. Shaving the traditional way can cause ingrown hairs. (Mikki’s quick tip: exfoliate the area after with a loofah to help the hair grow back without razor bumps.)
  • Nair- Yes, the same stuff your lady uses works for you. But if you are bothered by the pink bottle, hop over to CVS. They sell a Nair for Men 🙂
  • Waxing- The thought probably scares you half to death but the result is baby-smooth skin that your woman would love to kiss. Try it out. Many waxing salons offer Manzilians to get all of the unwanted hair…..EVERYWHERE! Come on, you can take a little temporary pain.
  • Use your lady- Many of us are more than willing to help you trim or totally remove hair. Casually bring it up to her and see if she volunteers. You may get a little treat in the process.
With all of that said, if you like your hair everywhere great! But take into consideration how your partner may feel about it. Life is full of compromises. This may be a small one with BIG rewards.

Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at

15 Minute Break: The Truth About Platonic Relationships

Listen in to a round table discussion as KC and the family discuss the real deal with platonic relationships and keeping boundaries clear. Podcast guests include Chris Lehman, Mr. & Mrs. CEODJ A-ski, Dwann Cutler, Toria Williams, Nabil Stevens, Stacee Brewer, Leisha Mack, Inglewood Trizz, Greta Moore, and Obi Obijiaku.


Boomerang: Lessons In Love Part I

Boomerang is undoubtedly a classic Black film. From the all-black cast, to the LaFace-produced soundtrack, the film showcased Black people at our finest. Successful, attractive, and intelligent come to mind when each character enters the screen, and Chantress had to be the most progressive company ever with its all-black staff. When the film dropped in 1992, it was quintessential cool.

Though the film is nearly 20 years old, the subject it sheds light on that remains relevant to me is the nature of Black male/female relationships. I have watched this film countless times, and when I caught it again this past week, I decided to make a list of the relationship lessons I learned from this film.

1. Seeking opportunities for sex is part of a single man’s daily routine. Through the eyes of Marcus Graham (Eddie Murphy) and his buddies, Gerard (David Alan Grier) and Tyler (Martin Lawrence) we see that the search for women and sexual opportunities happens every day for the single man. Marcus’ job has the greatest of perks since part of his position allows him to interview models for campaign ads, i.e. Hometown Buffet for the single man. It makes sense – if a man isn’t married or in a committed relationship, why shouldn’t he be on the lookout for his next great sexual conquest?

2. Sex once had so much value, a man might have chosen it over money. In today’s oversexed society, this rule no longer applies because 1) we are flooded with sexual imagery daily, and 2) so many women no longer believe that their sex has power, so they don’t believe in making men wait for it. In the film, however, Marcus continues to work for the Lady Eloise company after it acquires Chantress in spite of a having to take “a smaller office”  just for the chance that he might get to sleep with Jacqueline (Robin Givens).

3. Desperation is never attractive. If a man doesn’t want you, acting desperate or helpless, does nothing to help your case. This is best exhibited by Marcus’ scorned neighbor, Yvonne (Tisha Campbell-Martin) and all of her cockblocking.

4. Beauty isn’t everything. Especially if beauty lacks brains. Marcus displays how easy it can be to get over on a woman who only has her looks to fall back on in his interaction with Christie (Lela Rochon). And having “hammertime in her shoes” did not help.

4. Success attracts success. One reason Marcus falls so hard for Jacqueline is because she’s a woman in power. Despite the stereotype that men find women in power intimidating and/or are uncomfortable with a woman who is the breadwinner, there are some men who find power sexy. It usually helps if the man in question is successful himself.

5. Women drop tons of clues that they like a guy, and men rarely pick up on them. From her entrance into the film, Angela (Halle Berry) is constantly showing Marcus that she likes him. She’s all in his business, going out with a friend of his she’s clearly not into, inquires into he and Jacqueline’s relationship, and attempts to help him get over Jacqueline. Marcus doesn’t take the bait until after Thanksgiving.

6. A man will put in work for a woman that he wants. Want is the operative word here. My grandmother has told me for years when it comes to relationships, “If a man wants you then you have something going, but if he doesn’t want you, you have nothing”. In spite of Marcus’ player/baller status, he was willing to do some serious hoop-jumping and waiting to get Jacqueline in bed. The passion he feels when he finally succeeds is felt through the screen.

7. Never be too available. This goes hand-in-hand with being desperate. If a man knows anytime he calls you, he can reach you and be with you, he knows he has you. The chase is over, and he’s on to his next prey. Marcus having to book an appointment with Jacqueline is an extreme example of not being available, but you get where I’m going with that.

8. Lameness will leave you lonely. Sometimes. Fellas, inexperience shows and it’s unattractive. Marcus’ buddy Gerard acts as his foil in the film. He is so incredibly uncool that next to Marcus, he doesn’t stand a chance. In spite of Angela’s sweet demeanor, why would she ever go for the guy that digs in his ear upon introduction? So lame, and so not booking that second date. As Angela put it, “Gerard couldn’t hit it even if he had a bat.” 

9. Your reputation can both help and harm you. Because Marcus’ sexual exploits are office news (thanks to Boney T played by Chris Rock) women are fascinated by him and want to know what the buzz is all about. Even Lady Eloise (Eartha Kitt) had heard about Marcus being “very beguiling to women”. However, when he met his match in Jacqueline, that information was nothing but fodder for her to use to toy with him as she wished.

10. Most players have been played. Jacqueline is not the average chick – and how she handles Marcus lets us know she is no novice to love. If we read between the lines of this script, Jacqueline was gamed by some man before, and that shaped her into the emotionless vixen she is when we meet her. Her life is all work, and men are there for play and nothing more. As hard as she seems, the wall she stands behind to protect herself also keeps her from a man who really wants to love her. It’s a no-win situation.

Stay tuned for Part II coming soon…