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Confessions of a Modern Woman’s Video Vixen Nightmare

Q: In what world is my competition a video girl?

A: In Los Angeles, that’s where.


I hold a degree in Journalism that I earned on TWO full-academic scholarships, I run a successful business, own my car, live within four ways with no co-habitants of any kind, volunteer in my community and YET, I am still reduced to being paired against over-inflated tits and a silicone-produced ass for the attention of a male suitor.

I’m not making this up people! This is really my life. A guy who I have loosely known for a few years recently hit me up. After a few witty exchanges over Twitter, he asked for my number. Inside I was secretly jumping up and down because I had a crush on this lad long ago. He is one of the few guys I have met that I actually wouldn’t change anything about him (except his teeth! That’s major for me. He’s creative, smart, creative, conscious, creative, God-fearing, creative and he loves his momma! Did I mention he’s creative? His art speaks to me. I see a different perspective when I look at what he created. There is nothing more sexy to me than a man that can see simplicity, seemingly nothingness and make it beautiful.  I digress.

After a little “research” I find that he is in a very public “relationship” with a video vixen. WHY IN THE HELL WAS HE ASKING FOR MY NUMBER????  Totally confused. Naturally, I had to look his chick up. Ok she’s bad. I mean like really bad. I tried to find something physically wrong with her for about 15 mins – FAIL. Her face is gorgeous and I don’t just throw that word around. Her body is obviously RIDICULOUS since that’s her chief asset. Now I’m pissed! I felt like I was on candid camera. Was this some kind of a joke? As if I don’t already have my list of insecurities now I am measuring myself against this fantasy of a woman. Problem is, if you live in Michigan that girl is just a fantasy but when you live in LA, that chick is as real as the air you are breathing.

*BACK STORY: I met him through my summer jumpoff (this young fellow that I was using for an ego boost and occasional *clears throat*). My young boo introduced me to this guy for networking purposes since we both work in the industry. We all hung out from time to time that summer but that was it. P.S. I DID NOT SLEEP with the young boy!

This is precisely the type of bs that makes me want to pack up my crap and move to Iowa where “good girls” get wifed by “good guys” THE END! Ok. That’s extreme but, hell, so is this!

A few days after he asked for my number we started chatting again. This time he was quick to get to the point. The invite to watch a movie at his house was not in the least bit tempting especially since it was already past the 11 o’clock hour! Is he crazy? Clearly. I felt a bit of fire rise in my chest. I knew I may be a tad hormonal so I had a ‘woosah’ moment before writing a scathing yet composed response to his follywagness. I told him that grown people don’t watch movies at 11:45 PM! And if he wanted to see me he would need to pick up the phone and ask me out properly but I would not be holding my breath. At that point I was like he must think because me and the young boy had a little fling of sorts that he could be next! Are you kidding me? Furthermore, you want me to be your jumpoff while you wife the video chick? I THINK NOT! Kick Rocks.

Not caring if I ever heard from him again, I wrote a serious of subliminal tweets. He eventually sent a response that was as charming as ever (not surprising since that’s one of the reasons I like him). To which I respond with SILENCE.

Boo I’m over you! What part of the game is this? I am 27 months from being 30 years old. There is no way in hell I would reduce myself to allow this man to use me and discard me all the while courting King magazine’s feature flavor of the month.

For arguments sake, I can’t say that I know with certainty that the young lady in first position is not educated or that she doesn’t have more than a beautiful face and bangin body. But I highly doubt it. If she is anything like her tweets… *crickets*. Even if she had a PH.D does the fact that all her goodies are on display for the world to see not mean anything to men these days? They don’t give a rat’s ass. In the age of Kim K., men are probably desensitized to the much less demure modern woman. Cold game.

 

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Perception is Reality: Weight Wars

Looking through some of my old Facebook pics I realized that in each of the pictures I remember thinking I was fat. Now, I wish I looked like that! At that moment, I realized that somewhere along the lines my body image was warped. In what world have I ever been an obese person? Granted, there have been times in my life that I have had extra weight but feeling obese–unwarranted.

 

Living in LA is another dynamic. I went on a date here with a 6’4″ black man who sat across a dinner table from me and said, “I usually don’t date women your size.” WTF!!!! I was thinking, “It is so time to book a one  way ticket to anywhere East of here!” I live in a place where skinny is in. That is not and never will be me. The compromise is taking the healthier lifestyle that exists here and adapting to that, but to tune out the cockamamie BS about the beauty of seeing bones.

As I am once again embarking on a weight loss journey, I am going into it this time with a totally different mindset. I’m not losing weight to look like someone I’m not but rather to attain optimal health. I read a book over the summer that changed my eating habits DRASTICALLY! I became vegan for about 20 days and loved it but it’s way too expensive for my blood right now to eat that way.  Although I reintroduced chicken, seafood and dairy, I never went back to eating red meat or pork. I recently dropped chicken again because I absolutely can’t stand the thought of eating it (read Skinny Bitch and then tell me how you feel about it).

At 27, I am the most confident in myself and my body as I have ever been. I am very secure with who I am and what I look like. We all have our days but all-in-all loving the skin/body I am in gets better every day. Doing a little bit each day to reach my goal is my strategy. 10x10x10 is my motto. Focus on losing just 10 pounds at a time until my goal is reached. Exercise has been the DEVIL but it is a necessary evil that I have actually come to enjoy on some rare occasions. Ultimately, looking great will be a bi-product of feeling great!

Happy Living!

Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at mikki@mikkibey.com.

 

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Black Women – We Want Curves….Part II

“Curves Not Cul-de-Sacs” was initially meant for another blog site.  As soon as I sent it, a woman told me “You know you’re going to catch hell for this, right?”  There were certain things I didn’t expect, but much of it I did.

When I read the post to a group of men and women, a few of them pointed out 2 parts of the post that I hadn’t thought about, that they felt were the reason many women felt the entire post was offensive:

“Looking like the Michelin Man is not sexy or cute.”

“It’s hard to hold on to you if your stomach is in the way.”

I understand why people would take offense to those parts.  I apologize for that.  I see how that was harsh.  I could go back and erase those lines, but I feel like I would be cheating and wouldn’t be owning up to it.

What surprised me were the levels to which women saw things I never said.  Women I personally know who thought I was speaking in a tone that I don’t speak in.

A woman told me when she was younger she was rail thin, but her brother called her fat to the point where she believed it.  This created a skewed vision in her mind of her body image.  In essence, she told me when I wrote that piece, it would’ve been safer to think that most women who read it have a body image issue.  That women, especially Black women, live with a cloud over their head everyday that tells them how they must be, and even the most beautiful of women may think I’m pointing at them.  I don’t think anyone has ever taught me how to address a woman with that level of psychological oppression in a concerned way.  If anything, I’ve been told how to exploit it.

When I said I’m talking about obesity, a lot of women included themselves, thinking that the pictures I posted were actually THEM.  I remember in college me and my friends made a point to tell Black women we knew that they were beautiful.  Nearly all of them said they knew we were sincere, but they didn’t believe it themselves when they looked in the mirror.  I don’t know if it’s healthy for me to assume that every woman I encounter has some kind of body image issue by default.  If this is so, then where do we go from here?