How To Get Your “Boo” To Commit

Myth: (Tina) If I do everything he wants he’ll give me what I want…a relationship.

Truth: (Maurice) She does everything I like but: “Hello, Brenda….”

What is the disconnect? Too often women mistake being “the perfect woman” with being “his woman.” We tend to feel like we have poured everything into creating the facade of being seemingly perfect for the men in our lives only to be met with resistance on sealing the deal.

Whether the goal is to get the ring or just to move up from “boo” status, the same truths apply. There is something to be said for the women that continue on building their lives with vigor the way the had before Prince LeRoy showed up. Caught up in the rapture of a budding love can make you want to slowly devote more time to him and less energy into what you were doing. Men like women that have their own! Now anyone that knows me knows I believe in a man being a man and providing for his wife but ladies, key word is WIFE! The more you are able to do for yourself the less dependent you will be on the man thus allowing the relationship to naturally progress without anyone feeling used or developing resentment. Get your own! Have your own! Best case scenario is that when that brotha comes along and sees what you have done without him he’ll view you as an asset and not a liability.

The sense of entitlement has to stop. Those chicks will remain single. To expect that a man will take care of you, buy you nice things all in exchange for you just “being you” is unrealistic. Should your man want to do nice things for you and lighten your load YES! But are you expecting someone to swoop in and save you from the life you have created? Take a hard look at what you are tangibly bringing to the table. The reality is that in this day and age men have a ton of options. There is no recession of women who want to be wives but there is a recession on men that want to marry them. To separate yourself from the pack, get busy courting yourself. Make sure that you have done everything in your power to become who you want to be before that man puts a ring on it. We are all works in progress but diligently work at your own bringing your dreams into reality.

Tips for getting a man to commit:

• DO YOU! Most men can appreciate a woman who is unapologetic for carving her way in life. Let your natural radiance be the attraction. Your light should be so bright, it blinds him.
• Ms. Independent is STILL Single– There is a fine line we as women must tow. Don’t be so independent that you forget who is the man. Make him feel wanted and needed in ways that he will respond to. Ask him to open pickle jars or to kill a spider. Small gestures, but trust me, he’ll be happy to puff out his chest and save the day.
• Have a life! Go out with your girls. Take a trip solo or just go to the movies on a Saturday night. Don’t assume that every weekend is reserved for Boo-lovin. Chances are after a few weekends of you having a “life” he will be more than anxious to give you the attention you need.
• Show, don’t tell– Men aren’t women. We are the ones that want to be told how much we are loved. Men need action! Do something for him that is solely for his benefit. Only you know what that is. Be creative.
• NEWSFLASH!!!!! You aren’t the first woman to do whatever it is you are doing for him! I know, I know this is a shocker. We all want to think that they have never had a woman like us. Well the care packages and cards you sent are not the only ones he’s ever gotten. Women cook and clean for them dating back to their mothers! The ones that get wifed give something to that man that he can’t get ANYWHERE ELSE. Find out what your man values – that’s the key to this Chinese arithmetic.
• Don’t worry, be happy! We want men to tell us they will always be with us and never leave, then sign it in blood! The reality is that no one can make that promise not even us. Everyday that is given is another day that you will both get to decide to be together or not. The idea is that each day is better than the last so that both of you keep deciding to be in it for years to come.
• Don’t lose yourself. Do not allow yourself to become so consumed with the idea of marriage and family that you begin to unconsciously lower your standards to meet your timeline. Let it be ORGANIC! Like Whole Foods. If not, don’t force it. Take the path of least resistance.
• Love thyself. Love starts with you. Love everything about you. Love your flaws and all. Truly fall in love with who you are and who you are becoming. Don’t wait for a man to show up to be the person you can love. You already have someone that needs some good lovin!
• Be fluid. “If it don’t fit, you must acquit!” The famous words of the late Johnnie Cochran are certainly applicable. Let it be what it is. If you have to ask what is, it probably isn’t anything. Release the idea and move on.
• Stay prayed up! Chile you are going to have to spend some time in that prayer closet to close this deal! This is not a easy merger. Ask for God’s will to be done and really mean it. Praying for what you want is great but listening to what He wants for you is even better.

Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the Universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama!