Can Success Leave You Lonely? The Black Male Perspective

Can success leave you lonely?  That depends on what type of companionship you seek as a person.  From the male point of view, I don’t think a successful man will ever be too lonely due to the fact that being successful is a quality that attracts women.  It may not be the long-term relationship type of women, but there will be someone around.  Whether they are on that man’s level of success is not a big concern to most; as men we feel that we should be the breadwinner in most instances.  In my opinion, it’s not the accomplishments of men and women that separate us, but the ills of society that tend to brainwash us into believing that you need someone of equal status as your counterpart. There has never been an example of a man who is very successful not  reaching down and dealing with someone not on their  “level”. Now if the situation were reversed, there would be plenty of backlash for a successful woman taking on the burden of a man.

So what can be done from this point? I feel like everyone needs to do away with stereotypes, prejudice, and judge everyone one on a case-by-case basis.  Statistics show that black women make up 71% of all black graduates.  This statement is misleading since it implies that all black female graduates end up being successful in their careers.  This is also misleading because success can be attained without a college education.  The real issue is compatibility: people fail to sync themselves with someone who is their complement and not their competition.

Ladies and Gents: How True Is This?

My cousin posted this status update on Facebook:

Women: One of the biggest mistakes a lot of you make early on in a relationship is laying out in full detail all the things you love a man to do for you. Instead of telling him about everything you like, tell him what you DON’T like, and then see how he responds; let him research/dig and figure out how to get to your sweet spot. Virtually any man can follow a road map, but only a dedicated one will find his own way.

Do you all agree? Disagree?

Three, (well, 2 and a possible*)

Three, (well, 2 and a possible*) perfect games in the last 30 days, in baseball. Mind you the season just started. Hmmm…

26-year-old Dallas Braden walked onto the mound Sunday May 9th looking for his 18th-carer decision; he walked off of it with the 19th perfect game in MLB history. Braden is just the seventh southpaw to throw a perfect game in MLB history.

Philidelphia Phillies ace Roy Halladay pitched the 20th perfect game in major league history, delivering the marquee performance of his All-Star career in a win over the Florida Marlins on Saturday, May 29th.
We want to say that Armando Galarraga threw a perfect game on Wednesday, June 2nd. But we are not allowed to, technically. A perfect game is facing 27 batters and getting 27 outs — but the fact is that rightly or wrongly, Jason Donald reached first base with two outs in the ninth inning. Galarraga faced 28 batters, not 27, and one of them reached base. He deserved a perfect game; he did not throw a perfect game. I say, it was a perfect game!

Commissioner Bud Selig won’t reverse the umpire’s admitted blown call that cost Tigers pitcher a perfect game. Selig said Thursday in a statement that Major League Baseball will look at expanded replay and umpiring, but didn’t specifically address umpire Jim Joyce’s botched call Wednesday night. A baseball official familiar with the decision confirmed to The Associated Press that the call was not being reversed. WHAT, are you kidding me Bud!!

The real question I have is, are these pitcher really that hot this soon? OR, are the pitchers juicing (using steroids) more? OR, are the batters juicing less? Somebody let me know something!

Enjoy the Weekend,


Can Success Leave You Lonely?

Lorraine Hansberry said “The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely.” At the height of our success Hansberry’s statement seems to ring more true than ever, even though she was lesbian. A 2010 publication reports sistas make up 71 percent of black graduate students. Blogs, articles and studies highlight the phenomena. Sistas, as we achieve more success are we less likely to marry?

Before we can begin to answer the ultimate question, we have to take a few steps back to grasp the big picture. Is the data even correct? If so, what can be done to salvage black love?

Research can be biased so before I would even begin to examine the research methods and results, it would suffice to investigate who conducted such studies and what they were trying to prove. If the research is correct, who benefits and who suffers from such findings? Data can be skewed to suggest whatever it is the researchers intend for it to suggest. If you look at what such research does to the psyche, it may validate how many black women feel about being successful and lonely, as well as how they feel about their male counterparts. Such findings may leave black women feeling as if they should give up hope of finding a successful black mate, therefore hindering black progress.

Being somewhat of a conspiracy theorist, I believe it benefits certain groups if black women give up on black love – especially successful black women. If the data is correct, who is responsible for the demise of black families? Are black men to blame for their lack of success? Are black women to blame for becoming too successful? Or is the state of our unions the result of living in an oppressive society? I don’t believe any sole entity is responsible but rather a combination of many entities. To suggest men are to blame, or women, or society is what hinders our progress. The real issue is: what can be done from this point forward to improve the current state of of our relationships? After all, black is black love.

A friend of mine had a very interesting theory. He said sistas don’t give brothas enough time to get their business straight before they kick ’em to the curb. It seems to me he may be blaming women for his shortfalls. He’s in his early forties, barely has a job,  just got his car impounded and is in the middle of a divorce. Could it be that as a woman gains knowledge and raises her expectations, the less likely she is to settle for less?

Summer Must-Have Music

Music is my first love. I’m a writer, but a songwriter first, and always go to music when I need an outlet to express emotion, tell a story, or whenever the mood strikes me to create. I also LOVE musicians (I married a trumpeter) and I keep an ear to the ground for the latest good music. Luckily my hubby is a collector of good music and a serious hip-hop head, and one of our very best friends, and Black Is author, Mr. CEO is cut from the same cloth. The three of us put our heads together to compile a list of music you all MUST have in your collections. We tend to shy away from what plays on the radio – you’ll hear those songs repeatedly this summer – but these are albums that are worth downloading or buying from your local record store. So without further ado:


(click on each artist to see/hear more)

Actress – Splazsh

Dam-Funk – Toeachizown

Erykah Badu – New Amerykah Part Two

Flying Lotus – Cosmograma

Janelle Monae -The ArchAndroid

Jose James – Blackmagic

Method Man, Ghostface Killah & Raekwon – Wu Massacre

Nas & Damien Marley – Distant Relatives

Reflection Eternal – Revolutions Per Minute

The Roots – Dilla Joints

The Roots – How I Got Over

Yahzarah – The Ballad Of Purple St. James

Black Was But Now Is…

Black and white aren’t true colors. It seems since the beginning of time these two shades of people have been fighting to be true colors. The word “black” has been slandered. This word has been pulled by its ear and tossed into piles of negativity and a trail was left on its way out. Now we are left to clean up the footsteps in hopes to not erase the past, but show everyone where we came from, who we were, and how we’ve changed with no intentions of going back. We need to stand up and reform the agreement embedded in the social construction of the word “black”. Black is variation. Black is power. Black is change. Black is positive. Black is fun. Black is educated. Black is motivated. Black is inspired. Black is you. Black is me.

Foreclosure Myths

I’ve always had an interest in real estate, thanks to my grandfathers being investors. They shared how important it was for everyone to invest in property and own their own home; but they always stressed the fact that it was the quickest way for a person of color to build wealth. After a two-year home shopping extravagnza, I’ve not only become extremely informed about the process, but I can’t read enough information about it and passing it on. My hope is that more people of color will get informed and invest in property. With the downturn in the economy, those that have stayed afloat or have never invested should take advantage of all the properties in distress.

With that being said, here is a list of foreclosure myths compiled from one of my favorite real estate websites, Trulia:

[poll id=”3″]


“BLACKis the ability to shine amidst the darkest shadows, and rise up above the highest obstacles…which sometimes, can be your own self.” -ME

LAKERS vs. CELTICS: Rivalry Renewed…Part Deux

LAKERS vs. CELTICS: Rivalry Renewed…Part Deux

A rivalry is two competing people, companies, teams, cities, or other organization. The rivals are not always similarly matched, but they are well known to each other.

Of course they remember the last time they faced their rival. Anyone with self respect would remember, the way their bus got rocked and their hearts got removed with a bare-handed clutch followed by a hard yank, how they were left not simply in defeat but in humiliation.

The Lakers do not forget 2008. The Lakers cannot forget that Finals. The Lakers will not forget what the Celtics did to them — what the whole city of Boston did to them, really — the last time the teams met for the championship. And the Lakers couldn’t even if they wanted to, not when everyone is tossing the memory back at them this week as the rematch approaches and the chance for revenge is at hand.

With that said, the time has come to separate the great from the good, the winners from the players, the CHAMPIONS from the contenders. Today a new chapter begins. How will it end? With tears of PURPLE & GOLD joy. My beast-mode has reached its boiling point, tonight WE feast on retched green flesh! NO MORE TALKING, game time….LAKERS, LAKERS!!! I say again, LAKERS!!! LAAAKKKKEEEERRRRSSSS!!!!!!!!!