Dedicated to the Black Experience
Listen in as KC and the family discuss homosexuality in the Black community. Guests include Chris Lehman, Toria Williams, John C. Byrd III of Sickly Cat Magazine, Obinna Obijiaku, Craig Stewart, John and Triawna Wood, and Ivy Lindsey. Feel free to call our new hotline and leave a message about today’s show! You can reach us at (323) 455-4219!
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Only Talking Logistics: With careers and kids, couples can slip into a parallel existence. This leads busy parents to chat solely about carpool schedules or who’s in charge of packing lunches, leaving little room for real conversation.
Skipping Romance: Another consequence of a busy household and getting too stuck in your routine is forgetting the romance that brought you together as a couple in the first place. Plan a night to get away together or for kids to be away so you can have a romantic night.
Dressing Down: Sweatpants may be much cozier than those form-fitting jeans but if you’re perpetually donning clothes you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing out in public, then you may be a little too comfortable in your relationship. Getting dolled up daily is a little unrealistic, so try swapping your flannel PJ’s for a more feminine alternative.
Not Making An Effort: Like clothing, your beauty routine can easily hit slump mode as time to primp gets harder to come by. But just taking five minutes to spruce yourself up shows your spouse that you still want to look good for him. On date nights, book the baby-sitter to come early so that you have time to get ready.
Lashing Out: It’s all too easy to go for the jugular when you’re angry with your partner–Knowing him as well as you do, his insecurities, vulnerabilities and shortcomings are at your disposal and in the face of conflict or hurt feelings it can be difficult not to use them as ammunition. However, respect is very important in a relationship, if that slips you must concentrate on getting it back.
Losing Outside Interests: Having other things going on in your life-hobbies, passions, projects will help you continue to grow as an individual and stay interesting to your partner.
Ignoring His Passions: Try straying from your comfort zone to show your spouse that you care about his interests. Do something together that he would love, like going to a soccer game or a restaurant you’re not keen on. Enjoy the fact that he’s delighted you’ve gone.
Getting Lazy With Affection: When young and in love, most couples can’t keep their hands off each other. But as the novelty of your spouse wears off your desire to smother him in kisses may wane too. Give him a big hug when he comes home in the evening or if you come home last go find him for a hug.
Not Wooing Each Other: Surprising your husband with a gift, it doesn’t need to be expensive just a token that you care like a book on a subject he is interested in. Buy it out of the blue and sit together when you pass it to him-don’t just hand it over the kitchen table, as you will downgrade the moment.
Forgetting Where You Came From: It is most important to remember who you both are and what made you fall in love in the first place, reminisce about fun times you had together.
Source: msn.com
“No Job. No money. No Love,” was written on a flimsy piece of cardboard being held by a man in a wheelchair on Wilshire. I was almost moved to tears by this glimpse into this man’s reality. No job. I’ve been there. No money. I’ve been there too. But to not have love, I think that would kill me.
I truly believe we are all put here to love at our highest capacity and to receive moments of unconditional love from others strung together by our memories. Love is a birthright in my opinion. You shouldn’t have to do anything to receive love. But that cardboard sign is a tangible reminder that there are people living in the absence of love.
I’m a lover. I love with every fiber of my being because that is how love has been shown to me. My mother taught me how to love. It is her example that I follow. I’m fortunate to have a mom that is willing to cut off her right arm if it meant saving mine. Without her it may have been easier to understand where the man in the wheelchair was coming from.
At first glance, love me not be readily apparent. Look a little harder. We tend to look for other people to validate us by loving us in the way we feel we need to be loved. The greatest love is the love for self. Now that I think about it, that’s the sad truth of what I have just witnessed. The man is now void of self-love. What does it take to love yourself? You don’t need any money for that. To hell with a job, that won’t love you either. Loving yourself unconditionally, in spite of circumstances, disappointments and failures is not without work. My prayer tonight is that the man with the sign finds self-love. If he can muster up the courage to love himself again I know everything else will follow.
Tell someone you love them today. But most importantly, love yourself.
Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at mikki@mikkibey.com.
Fellas, if you really want to learn how to seduce your woman there are a number of steps you can take to achieve your goal. Now, cold streaks are bound to happen to even the best of us from time to time. Maybe, what you got going on, is such that you have never even gone to that special place with your lady yet. What ever it is, I am here to tell you that if you listen and do the some simple stuff, you, as I like to say, can get laid!
So if you are asking yourself, “How do I seduce my woman?,” here are a few simple steps to abide:
1 – First off, start by touching her playfully and lovingly on a more frequent basis. These can be very innocent touches – to her knee, her shoulder, her hair. Touching another person releases a natural chemical in the skin that brings warm, pleasant feelings to her body. Even casual touches can go a long way toward arousal. So, reach out to her (literally) and let her know that you have warm feelings toward her.
2 – Drop her an e-mail(or text) with a love poem, or few mushy lines of affection, now and then. Sometimes, a casual, surprise e-mail or text will do wonders in terms of awakening her desire. You may find that she is pleasantly surprised at your gesture. Keep your communications short and on a casual level – nothing too heavy or serious, and do not write too much because you will risk boring her.
3 – If someone else flirts with you through the course of your day, let your lady know that it happened. You are not trying to make her mad. Just treat the flirting incident like it was cute and that you were flattered by it, but assure her that you only have eyes for her. Jealousy, when played the right way, can be a turn-on. (But, if you’re still in the early stages of the relationship, you might want to hold on this one)
4 – Treat your woman like a princess. Notice I didn’t say queen. You’ve seen all the Disney animations and cute little chic flics that always show the princess being swept off her feet. One of the easiest ways to do this is to show her that you care by celebrating special days like her birthday. But, even better, celebrate the little things, like when she looks particularly attractive one day or does her hair or makeup a certain way. Point out how good she looks and how much you find her attractive. Even if you she didn’t just get her hair done, let her know how extra beautiful she looked today.
5 – If you are having a hard time getting over that last hurdle – as if she is almost willing to let you seduce her but then she backs off for no apparent reason – you need to start an open dialogue about sex with your lady. Remember, she may have a hang-up or two that you could help her overcome through talking about it. Aside from touch, visual stimulation, and smell, dialogue can be (believe it or not) very arousing. Once you have cleared the air about any hang-ups, she may have about having sex, subtly shift the conversation toward a more sexy direction. Ask her about her turn-ons – what does she like? What does she fantasize about? This step is all about timing, and not coming off as too eager to want to get some.
Seducing a woman is not an exact science. Some of these steps may not work at all on your lady. However, there are some pretty clear-cut things you can do to steer the situation in the right direction. Do not underestimate the power of touch, sight, and the spoken and written word as you work to seduce your girlfriend. Just remember, the path to seduction starts with more closeness in your relationship.
If all else fails, remember these words; “yes honey, you’re right, and I’m sorry.” They may not sound seductive, but they’ll get you laid.
Source: Ezine Articles
I’ve had three big heartbreaks in my life. Two of which were women. Not in the way you may be thinking. They were both my best friends at different points in my life.
Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at mikki@mikkibey.com.
Let’s face it. Living Single, Sex and the City, and now Single Ladies were all successful shows – why? Because watching the lives of single people as they navigate relationships is interesting and entertaining – especially for those of us off the market.
Single Ladies raised the bar by being an hour-long drama, with a tinge of comedy set in Hotlanta, GA. Though the writing and acting wasn’t award-winning, I anticipated its arrival every week, and am eagerly awaiting its return to see what the outcome will be in the lives of Val, Keshia, and…and…what’s the other girl’s name?
What the show lacked in strong content, it made up for in glamorous costuming, a strong supporting cast, great celebrity cameos and most importantly DRAMA. Who would miss the trials of a woman with klepto tendencies dating a wealthy, elusive jeweler? Or a successful, fashionista entrepreneur finding the man of her dreams, only to learn that he doesn’t want to get married?
However, I think the real reason I enjoy shows that showcase single women doing their thing is that they remind me of the fun I had as a single on my quest to find true love. I loved meeting new people, experiencing new emotions, and learning more about what I wanted and needed in a mate. Through the ups and downs of dating I became very clear in what would and would not work for me in a long-term relationship. I’m reminded of the dates I had with the man that would become my husband, some of the crazy and exciting things we did and the experience of falling in love. Even more, watching the trials and tribulations of finding love in a show like Single Ladies keeps at the forefront the one thing we continue to do that helps maintain the spark in our marriage: making date night a priority.
Listen in to part II of this round table discussion as KC and the family discuss the real deal with platonic relationships and keeping boundaries clear. Podcast guests include Chris Lehman, Mr. & Mrs. CEO, DJ A-ski, Dwann Cutler, Toria Williams, Nabil Stevens, Stacee Brewer, Leisha Mack, Inglewood Trizz, Greta Moore, and Obi Obijiaku.
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You’ve probably heard that men cheat for physical reasons, women for emotional reasons. Sure, there’s some truth to that, but when we asked real women around the country to share why they strayed from their boyfriends, we learned they had a whole host of explanations — from bad kissing to sheer revenge. Read on for the truth about why women have given in to temptation.
Reason #1: There’s no passion
“I had been with John for about three years — he was a really nice guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but there wasn’t a ton of passion. Most everyone we knew had gotten engaged, and though John would have proposed in a second, whenever he brought it up, I’d change the subject. I took a trip to Australia for work and while I was gone, I got together with a coworker to whom I’d always been insanely attracted. I had a fantastic trip, probably because for the first time in a long time I experienced that excitement I’d been missing. I broke up with John soon after I returned home and began dating the guy from the trip. Even though I’m not super-proud of my actions, things ended up for the best: after dating for a few years, the guy from the trip and I got married and we’re incredibly happy together.”
– Giselle, 30, Montvale, NJ
Reason #2: To delay a breakup
“Right before I was going to break up with my ex, Sean, he found out that he had to put his beloved dog to sleep. He was so broken up about it that I didn’t have the heart to end things, so I waited a month or so until he was in better shape. When things seemed to be better and I was ready, he lost his job, so I felt like I was back to square one! By that time I had met someone else that I really wanted to start seeing, so I went ahead and did it. I eventually ended things, never telling Sean about my extracurricular dating. I think I rationalized that I was trying to spare his feelings.”
– Stacy, 30, Lexington, KY
Reason #3: Because absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder
“My boyfriend Greg and I decided to do the long-distance thing after I was accepted to a graduate program 200 miles from where we lived. The first few months were fine, but I soon found myself becoming extremely attracted to my lab partner, Henry. What began as innocent flirting eventually wound up with us getting physical. After the program was over, I returned home to Greg. Being with him was really difficult, but I didn’t break up with him initially because I was still attracted to him, too. I visited Henry a few times and realized that he was really more of a fling, probably done out of boredom, and that Greg was the one for me. I eventually stopped communicating with Henry. I never told Greg about what happened, which occasionally makes me feel guilty, but I chalk my cheating up to being young and silly. He and I are still together, four years after my program ended.”
– Tamara, 33, Portland, OR
Reason #4: To avoid being left out in the cold
“I began dating Eric shortly after I had been dumped by Dave, my boyfriend of two years. I was devastated and Eric was definitely a rebound thing. After Eric and I had dated for five months, Dave came back and wanted to give things another shot. I still really missed him, so I began seeing him, but never ended things with Eric. I think I sort of kept Eric around for insurance purposes, just in case things didn’t end up well with Dave. Dave and I didn’t make it on round two, and after Eric discovered through mutual friends that I had been seeing him again, he ended things with me. I definitely learned my lesson about dating two guys at the same time, not to mention trying to rekindle a relationship that’s just plain over.”
– Jen, 28, Oak Park, IL
Reason #5: To make a break from a bad relationship
“When I was younger, I dated a guy named Ethan who was really critical of me. He constantly made little snide comments about my weight, how stupid I was and how clumsy I was. For whatever odd reason, I was into him, despite the fact that all of my friends and family hated him. One weekend when he was away, I met Will at a party and we completely hit it off. He was the complete opposite of Ethan — kind, sweet and generous, yet completely cool and fun, too. We hung out all weekend and it was like a light bulb went off in my head: This is how mature, relationship-worthy guys act. I kissed Will the night before he left and broke up with Ethan soon after. Will and I dated for three years and now we’re married.”
– Allison, 30, New York, NY
Reason #6: To find that missing piece
“I’m from Florida, so I adore going to the beach and boating, but my former boyfriend, Chris, a total city boy, hated it. We always argued about where we’d take trips, and he always won. About eight months into our relationship, I took a trip to Key West with my friends and we chartered a boat for the day. The captain of the boat was this totally hot, complete ‘beach guy for life’ type, and I spent the whole day flirting with him. We met him out that night and spent time alone together. I never told Chris about it after I got home and I never felt guilty; I think part of me felt like that’s what Chris got for being so stubborn! Chris and I didn’t make it, and after we broke up, I made sure any future boyfriends loved the beach!”
– Lizzie, 32, Chicago, IL
Reason #7: To give him a taste of his own medicine
“My last boyfriend was a total player before we got together. I thought I could change him but I was wrong. I always heard rumors that he was seeing other girls while we were dating, but he always denied it. One night, I got a call from a girl he had been secretly dating, and she detailed their three-month-long relationship to me and told me about another girl she had discovered he was seeing as well. I was so mad that I went out with my friends that night, dressed to kill, and spent time with the most attractive guy; I felt like it was the least he deserved! I loved seeing the look on his face when I told him about what I did and that I knew about the other girls. And then I dumped him!”
– Ashante, 25, College Park, GA
Source: Chelsea Kaplan via Yahoo
By Bob Strauss (via Yahoo)
Despite what you’ve been taught in school, that small voice in the back of your mind isn’t necessarily your conscience — it may be the last fully functioning piece of your brain, desperately trying to tell you that the guy or gal you’ve been seeing isn’t even close to being your soul mate. As unwelcome as this conclusion is, isn’t it better to come to it by yourself rather than being lectured about it by an expert? No? Well, in that case, read on for a list of signs that it’s time to get back into the trenches and continue that trudge toward true love.
1. Your date is devoted to another. “On a regular basis, he spoke to his mother more than he did to me,” says Bethany from Minneapolis. “He talked to her every day, and then he would compare me to her. She has him on such a short leash that he hasn’t ever made a major decision without her!”
2. Your spending habits don’t match. “If she shops to make herself feel good, and he feels better when money is saved for the future, look out: irritation, frustration, and arguments can result,” says Rita Benasutti, Ph.D., a therapist in Boca Raton, FL. In other words: Get out now, while your credit-card balance is still manageable.
3. Your politics are too different. Although there are some famous liberal/conservative couples out there, “If you have opposite ideologies, it’s usually a deal-breaker,” says John Seeley, author of Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life. So, “if you find yourself saying things like ‘I can’t believe you voted for him’ or ‘I can’t even kiss someone who likes that person,’” it’s time to move on.
4. Your sweetie just doesn’t get your jokes. Take it from me: If that obscure Monty Python reference provokes polite but uncomprehending giggles on a first date, it’ll be met with frosty silence six months down the road. The same formula applies if she thinks Garrison Keillor is hilarious, but you’re more like Homer Simpson banging on the TV set and shouting, “Be more funny!”
5. Your love interest isn’t ready. “I met someone over a year ago, and we really hit it off,” says Michele from Atlanta. “He would call me from work daily, saying that he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again. But the closer we got, the more he started to pull back. Finally, I threw in the towel, realizing that even though we were compatible in many ways, he was not emotionally ready for a relationship.”
6. Your honey wants kids and you don’t (or vice versa). “Often, a person is so happy to find The One that he or she assumes love, marriage and having children go together, but for the other person, being a twosome and being in love is enough,” says Dr. Benasutti. “It’s a good idea to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your potential mate to understand his or her perspective.”
7. Your tastes are too different. “The number-one reason for failed relationships is what I call ‘refinement incompatibility,’” says Zannah Hackett, author of The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking. “Some of us are content to go camping, while others can’t survive outside a Ritz-Carlton hotel room. Some things are negotiable, but refinement incompatibility is not one of them, no matter how magnetically attracted you are to each other.”
8. Your lifestyles clash. If you’re a corporate executive pulling in six figures a year, you’ve probably figured out by now whether you can tolerate a guy or gal who earns an order of magnitude less in terms of salary. No harm, no foul: ending things now is better than leading someone along (or unexpectedly sticking your date with the tab at that expensive restaurant).
9. Your first connection fizzles. “When we first met, the chemistry wasn’t there,” says Lauren from New York, speaking of a relationship she had high hopes for… at first. “Sometimes that attraction develops as you get to know a person and sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s very different from instantly having that sizzle of chemistry when your date glances at you for the very first time.”
10. Your relationship has you on edge. “I believe that The One strengthens you, lifts you up and does not produce anxiety,” says Kathryn Alice, author of Love Will Find You. “When something isn’t right, your intuition keeps trying to let you know by putting nagging doubts in your mind as well as continual anxiety. This is a gut thing, and your gut is rarely wrong.”
