It’s another episode with your favorite Brown Girls, T & KC! Listen in as the ladies chat about the article, “Why the hell am I still DATING BLACK WOMEN?” by Ebrahim Aseem, true friends, the BET hit series Being Mary Jane, and the new characterization of Black women on television.
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I’m sorry, ladies, but you’ve been duped. Anyone with a 3rd eye could read that “Why Am I Still Dating Black Women” blog post and tell it was completely made up. The scenario/conversation itself was so unrealistic, you know nothing like that actually happened in real life. The author wrote that (and likely embellished a far less extensive real life situation) with the goal of propping up black women. While that’s a laudable goal on the surface, it comes across as extremely patronizing and disingenuous. It’s sad that black women are so starved for attention and approval that they can’t see past this obvious ruse.
You two should seriously think about what you’re saying are great reasons to date black women. You’re basically making it seem like a joyless arrangement in which someone would only want you because of some shared level of oppression. Nobody wants to be around someone who needs to be reminded to merely “smile” in public. Nobody wants to feel like they’re being dated out of oligation. Nobody wants a “gangsta” chick. Where’s the fun in that? Who wants that? The (fictitious) white chick in the (fictitious) story is 100% correct. I don’t want a “ride or die” chick. I want someone I enjoy being around. I man’s love is life. The way that you two describe black women (yourselves) makes this seem like a lot of work.
Before you jump to conclusions, I have been married to a black woman for 13 years and I am happy. The difference is my wife treats me as an individual, not some mythical representation of “all black men”. That would be a lot of pressure for any man, black, white, or other, to deal with. Again, who would want that?
Think seriously about how the two of you describe yourselves, and black women in general. If I were a Martian listening to this specific podcast, I’d think you two were loathesome, angry, broken, toting a bunch of Samsonite, and probably want nothing to do with you. Sheeiit, I’d probably want all the white women you describe instead. Not because they’re white, but because you describe them as being much more like what a man wants.
Just some food for thought. You can dismiss it as some self-loathing black woman hating Negro if you want, and you’d be terribly off base. I hope you two instead think a bit more about the message you are putting out there, and consider making changes are you see appropriate.
I would think listening to this podcast that black women are being constantly beat down and these two sistas are working to kill the stereotypes that are thrown at black women on a daily basis, by everyone including men of their own race. If they say a great reason to date a black women is that they are strong, and you feel like that’s not a good reason, my first guess is you prefer a women who is weak. All the qualities that men want in a woman, black women have that. All they asked is that men take a deeper look at them, to step up and not help create these women that turn you off.
It seems like a no win situation for sistas sometimes. Either they accept the blanket stereotypes and be quiet, or challenge those stereotypes and come off angry. I’m happy you found a woman who treats you like an individual. There are many black women who do. Many who are fun to be around. Many who will respect you for who your are. But when we start feeding into the one sided views of black women and treat them as such, how do we expect them to react?
We got two different things out of this episode, and that can happen. I just don’t believe all black women fit these stupid stereotypes. And just because a few do will not taint my view of the many who don’t. Black women are a unique breed of women, just as us black men. Some may like them, some may not be able to handle it. But I don’t crap on the other races. I just know what I like. And black women appeal the most to me.
Hello Byron-
Thank you for listening to The Brown Girl Hour! We would not at all dismiss you as “self-loathing” and would ask that, in the same vein, you not judge either of us based on one episode of our show.
The fictionalized depiction of the barbershop scene in the article we referenced did not go over either our heads; we opted to discuss the article more for the stereotypic points it made towards black women.
I disagree in your generalization regarding what men want – these are things that specifically Byron does not want. But more importantly, we are supporting the idea that black people build relationships solely based on a common experience, but agree that it is this shared experience that impacts our communication with one another – either strengthening it or making it difficult. For both Toria and my experiences, it has aided in strengthening the relationships we’ve built with black men.
Neither of us are currently loathsome, angry or broken bag ladies – though neither of us will deny having experienced pain in relationships at some point in our lives. However, I’ve been in a relationship with the same black man for the last 14 years and it is his love and support that continues to uplift me everyday. Our blackness is a commonality that we appreciate, as we both desired a long term relationship with another black person – but it is who we are as individuals that has aided in our union lasting happily for all of these years.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and we invite you to continue listening to all of the podcasts offered by the team at Black Is.
Warmly,
KC
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