This past week I surprised my husband with a trip out of town to see Lalah Hathaway in Oakland, CA. I kept the entire trip a secret – and even arranged it with his boss to pick him up for “lunch” when in actuality, we were headed to the airport. I was shocked at how many people were surprised I went to such lengths for my husband. I thought to myself, why not? He works hard, takes care of his family, and always puts us first. Why not do something out of the ordinary and give the man a break?
The idea of romance has us socially conditioned to believe that its one-sided, and happens when a man bestows it on a woman. From the first date it is the expectation that the man will pay for almost everything throughout the entirety of the courtship. In marriage, it is assumed that the man will also be the breadwinner for the family. This practice has evolved into a new trend of thinking in the new millennium man and affects new millennium dating. Dating is sometimes misconstrued as “payment” for something else – so if a man takes you out and buys you a nice dinner, he is going to expect something at the end.
While thinking about this idea, I caught one of my favorite episodes of The Boondocks, entitled “Guess Ho’s Coming To Dinner” – and I literally laughed out loud as Riley hit the nail on the head when discussing Granddad dating an actual “ho”:
How do relationships evolve from this scenario? Are women still wooed and courted? What are men expecting at the end of a date and further, how many women are fulfilling these expectations? If you don’t, what happens next?
Folks tell me, does romance still exist?
Yes! Romance is still in EFX! I am a practicing romantic sort of speak, I’ve recently been blessed in my life to hook up with a woman I’ve admired most of my adult life. I enjoy singing to her, slow dancing with her whenever the feeling arises, emailing & texting her lovely romantic messages. It’s not hard to at all, if your really feel love for a person. Why romance seems to be lacking in our society? No one wants to put in the work anymore. Instant gratification is the order of the day. What’s in it for me? Well, there’s no “me” in romance, it’s about “we” and “us”! Being a couple is what makes the whole thing work! Like Al Green’s song Love & Happiness, walking together, talking together! Believe me setting the stage and mood for a romantic dinner, romantic trip or even the occasional romantic interlude(take that anyway you want!) pays significant dividends in a relationship! Sparks will always fly, the longing will always be there and the kiss will be that much sweeter! Fellas romance that woman! Stop bartering for favors and do the work! It’s such a sweet deal! Hell, I’m thinking about what I can do tonight when I see my lady love to put that sweet smile across her lovely face!
At some point in life I have lost my romanticism. Maybe it is a result of the wounds and the scars of previous relationships, the long school days and work days, the constant “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy” from the kid(s)…
It is not that I don’t want it. But there never seems to be enough time in the day. Lately, I find little things romantic, for instance, I love to cook and clean the kitchen with my hubby. I find working as a cohesive unit romantic.
Either way, I think I need a Romantic 101 class. I need a class the rekindle’s the inner romantic in me. I don’t know but I know I miss the younger me that was a romantic at heart.