Keep It On the DL: Bisexuality a Deal Breaker?
· October 7, 2011
By now, most of you have formed an opinion on whether or not you think Bishop Eddie Long is guilty or not. I am not touching that with a 10 ft pole! However, I want to look at some of the other elements in this case. First, the idolatry of Bishops/Pastors in the black church. Secondly, married or otherwise involved men cheating on the women in their lives with other men.
I am concerned that many of the members of the Bishop’s congregation refuse to even acknowledge that the allegations could be true. CNN’s Don Lemon recently interview three young members and all of them spoke of the Bishop as though he is incapable of committing such acts. The pedestal many of our church leaders are placed upon is unrealistic and borderline (if not crossing the line of ) idolatry. This is not just specific to New Birth. I have seen this in several other cities where mega-churches are prevalent. Men of the cloth are still men. Being a pastor is does not equal infallibility.
If I have one rule when it comes to relationships it’s DO NOT EMBARRASS ME in PUBLIC! Nothing is worse than being publicly shamed by the man that is supposed to love and cherish you. Yet, so many women have to endure this when their prominent husbands cheat and have to face the court of the public. Who can forget the wife of the former Governor of New Jersey who stood by as her husband announced that he was resigning from his office because he was caught having an affair with a man. My heart broke for her as it breaks now for the First Lady of New Birth even if the allegations are not true.
The CDC just announced last week that 1 in 5 bisexual and gay men in the U.S. has HIV! My question is how many of those men are in relationships with women that are not aware of their alternative lifestyle? There are a host of things wrong with this picture. On one hand, if a man is involved with a woman and tells her that he also has sex with men that will be an automatic deal-breaker for a lot of women. Risking losing the woman because of the truth is far better than losing that woman after she has been infected with HIV. Ladies, you have to have the conversation. Ask the question none of us want to know the answer to. You have a 50/50 chance of getting the truth which is better than not asking at all.
Once you know the truth, you will have to decide what is the best course of action for you. Hypothetically, if you are involved with who you think is the man of your dreams and he says to you months into your relationship that he has (in the past) engaged in sexual activity with a man, is it curtains? Think before you answer. Stay with me here. If monogamy is between two people not three what does it matter if one of the people is bisexual if they are both committed to each other? Giving the statistic stated above it would be risky but anytime you have unprotected sex with anyone you are risking your health.
According to the CDC, black males are the least likely of all men to know if they are infected with HIV. WRAP IT UP! Ladies, we have to be accountable for ourselves. Make him wear a condom or walk right out of the door. No love is worth dying for.I think it all comes down to having open communication with your mate. No matter what he says, do not use anything he tells you against him. Use the information to make informed decisions. And Fellas, just keep it real with the ladies in your lives. Be who you are. Someone will love your authenticity.
Mikki Bey is a Los Angeles-based makeup artist who believes in the power of the universe to bring her all the desires of her heart. Fearless, determined and capable – she’s a bad mamajama! She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.