Monogamy, a No Go?

Where does the hunger and yearning for monogamy come from? We have this social construction of monogamy that has been developing throughout the years thanks to movies, music, and books. That is, we as a society have developed an understanding of what is/isn’t and what should/shouldn’t be in relationships.

Why do we want monogamy? Why do we want to be committed to just one person? When we talk about marriage we’re talking about being with one person for the rest of your life. God forbid you marry in your twenties – with the average life expectancy being 78, that’s being committed to one person for 50 years! I have a hard enough time deciding on what cell phone I should purchase with a new two-year contract. During those two years I’ve committed to one phone, that is until I find one that’s better or seems better and eventually change before those two years are up. Maybe in life we settle because choosing a mate isn’t as easy as choosing a cell phone or two years, or maybe we just get tired of changing.

When we were little we were always taught to learn to share. Why can’t we learn to share in relationships? Have we learned to share so much that in a relationship with a significant other we don’t want to share?

I don’t have the answers nor do I have a particular stance on any of these questions. If you’re married, engaged, dating, single or widowed ask yourself: can you find the joy you have with your significant other with them and another?

I’m 19, I’m trying to find myself and my understanding in this dating world by asking this questions that challenge the norm. I want people to read this and think “Why did I get married? Why am I in this relationship? Why do I want a relationship?” Be honest with yourself and be honest in your comments. After all, Black Is is a comfortable place to learn, teach, and grow.

3 Comments on "Monogamy, a No Go?"

  1. Mr. CEO Jan 21, 2011 · 7:47 pm

    at age 19, monogamy should not even be in your vocabulary, but neither should the extreme opposite. what you seek and want in a relationships will change as you evolve and enter new stages of maturity in your life. Age 21, 25, 30, 35, ect each will cause you to redefine what your “needs” are. As for now, do you, with who ever you see fit. Just remember, too much of a good thing will resurface later in life.

  2. K.J. Jan 29, 2011 · 6:13 pm

    When your a young adult then at the minimum you should be open with the person or person’s your dealing with. As you grow older your wants and needs will grow with your maturity level and age.

  3. lovingshanelle Feb 24, 2011 · 5:09 pm

    Monogamy at 19 is a no no. VERY FEW people at 19 are the same person at 25, 30, 35…etc. At 19 one should be exploring, learning, and growing. In this day and age, there are very few people that settle down and stay settle down.

    However, as you get older and the dating/club scene begins to change you will begin to realize that you are ready for some type of long term relationship. Now, that may be different for each person. Some people want someone they can hold and wake up to EVERY day and night. Others may want someone to date on a regular bases. Either way it is different for each person.

    Now, to flip the script. I think there are a lot of people that don’t really fit into the monogamy scene. But people have to be open and honest with themselves and their partners. In my 30′s I am learning about open relationships, swingers, and polygamists. These are non-traditional relationships that people in our community are partaking in. As we begin dialogues about relationships on Black is…, I believe we will also transfer these same conversations into our own personal lives.

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