· June 8, 2010
This letter came across my Twitter page. I think the sister is pretty clear.
Brothers, how many of you are standing with arms wide open?
Open Letter to Black Men (click on this link)
I LOVE THIS!! Although now I have another concern. She claims to “need” a black man but why? Why do we have to adjust our expectations for brothas or end up lonely? Its like we’re brainwashed to believe that the only kind of man who can make us happy or get us pregnant is a black man. Why would sistas rather be alone than consider marrying outside of their race?
I feel you, but since Black people’s condition is specific to us, there are things we understand about one another that other groups simply can’t. You can try to explain it, but folks can’t understand a condition they aren’t born into, which is why most of us want to be with Black men. Being multiracial, you have the benefit of connecting with men of various cultures – some of us can try, but if what you desire is the love of a Black man, nothing else can compare. Furthermore, not every group desires every type of Black woman – as with any group, folk have their preferences. So even if I’m looking outside my race, it doesn’t necessarily mean somebody outside of my race is checking for me.
I don’t think we should adjust. I think we should keep our expectations of our brothers high, and the right man will meet them.
I agree to a certain extent about high expectations. I think you can have high expectations, but you need to make sure they are not unrealistic expectations. Not sure if any of you have watched What Chili Wants, but as her matchmaker said, she is looking for Jesus! It is very rare that single women want to listen to what I have to say (whether they admit it or not), because I’ve been with my husband for 15+ years, but I feel that a lot of women are looking for perfection, and that is simply impossible. And even if you think you have found it, after a few years (maybe even months) of being married, you will find out that Mr. Perfect is not so perfect. So I think Black women should have a short list of must haves (i.e. respect, a job, a good head on his shoulders), but welcome their quirks and inperfections, because that is what makes for a good, fun, and healthy relationship. And as always, communication is the key to a wonderful relationship.
So we’re all on the same page in that we believe we should maintain high expectations, and if I ever have a Chilli moment PLEASE check me on it!! I also agree that both of your perspectives are much different considering you’re married. Not that your opinions are invalid, but much more optimistic considering you have a strong black man by your side. I am a 30 year old single woman in Los Angeles-and according to the “One-drop Rule” I am black. I am not a pessimist but a realist and black women across the nation are having a difficult time finding a good black man. In Los Angeles I would argue its even more difficult. Even if you do find a good one, you may have to share him with other women because he knows he’s a hot commodity and what you won’t do another woman will.
I also agree that my multiracial background may be part of the reason I have no qualms about dating interracially. Both of my parents are mixed-both with black-so that makes them black. My mom remarried a black man and my dad hasn’t been with a black women ever since my mom. I have three younger brothers and none of them date black women. Don’t get me wrong-I would LOVE to end up with a black man… but I refuse to settle or be alone.
My concern is the use of the word NEED. I don’t think a MAN is a necessity. I am also concern that she only wants a black man. What’s wrong with the other ethnic groups? Who says a white man or a Latin man cannot do the same thing a black man can. They can ALL kill spiders, listen and massage.
I agree with AZJames in the sense that some people may have unrealistic expectations however there’s a thin line between realistic and unrealistic when it comes to where you are looking and how you present yourself. I think people need to go into relationships with a set of qualities or “requirements” they aren’t willing to compromise.
Our black men have fallen and we need to keep these expectations high so they realize that it’s time to play catch up and get back in the game.
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